Sorry for the non-baseball post, but the events in France practically begged for mockery.

Enjoy.

Tour de France by Dan in Texas

Scandal has rocked the Tour de France, or loosely translated “Tour of France.” After failing to win the race after 20 years and failing to sabotage Lance Armstrong for ten, pride was seemingly back in the French cycling world.

That is until the three race favorites Jan Ullrich of Germany, Ivan Basso of Italy and Francisco Mancebo leader of France’s AG2R Prevoyance team were suspended after an investigation revealed indications of blood doping. Mancebo placed fourth in last year’s Tour.Ullrich, who is near the end of his career, has one win in 1997 and has finished second five times. He expressed he was not guilty of any wrong doing, saying he was “absolutely shocked” by the allegations adding “-Shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!”

The suspensions have now placed the trio of American cyclists Floyd Landis, George Hincapie, and Levi Leipheimer as potential front runners in the world’s most famous cycling race. Well, really the world’s only famous cycling race.

With 7 time winner Lance Armstrong retired from the “sport”, the French cycling team hoped that Mancebo would reclaim the prestigious title for the French for the first time in 20 years. Many insiders fear that rioting may ensue if an American cyclist wins the race for an eighth consecutive year, but to be fair, July 23, the scheduled conclusion of the Tour, does fall on France’s monthly “Riot Sunday.”

Back in the States, cycling enthusiasts worried that Armstrong’s departure from the sport may cause a drop in cycling’s popularity are upbeat about the possibility of another U.S. victory. A spokesman for the Outdoor Life Network, television carrier of the race in the U.S., expressed optimism they would avoid this year’s dubious Emmy award for “Best coverage of a sport Americans care less about than Soccer.”

Perennial Tour Champion, Lance Armstrong, a cancer survivor and post office icon, has also been the target of several performance enhancing drug allegations. When reached for comment at his home in Austin, Texas, Armstrong denied any and all implications of performance enhancing drug use, period, but made a strange qualifying reference to a B12 shot administered by Baltimore Orioles infielder, Miguel Tejada.I’ll be back later today with a Mets related post.

Posted under Humorous

This post was written by Dan in Texas on July 6, 2006

Cruising out of Toronto headed into Boston…

Whir, backfire

Swept out of Boston rolling through the Bronx…

Sputter, knock, knock

Four game series at home against the Pirates…

Bang, pop, shimmy

Four game Series at home against the Marlins…

Pop, pop, bang

Blue and orange car rolls to a stop. A stoic man gets out and pops the hood and looks around noticing a lone garage, PNC Motors. A mechanic walks out…

Willie: (Eyes squinting from the sun) who are you?

Mechanic: The names Al Symons Break, My friends call me A.S. for short, what seems to be the problem?

Willie: Well everything was running great until about two weeks ago going through Boston and the Bronx.  It almost stalled today, I barely made it here. Where am I anyway?

A.S. Break: Well, sir, you are in Pittsburgh. Damn lucky too. This is the last stop for the next 73 at least. Say where ya headed?

Willie: October, I figure, maybe a little further.

A.S. Break: Well, sir, this is a fine machine to do it in. I hadn’t seen one like this in a while. I remember a model like this in 86. Of course I saw a version sorta like it in the 1999-2000 model but this one’s been built much better. What make is this?

Willie: It’s a Minaya. Do you know what’s wrong with it?

A.S. Break: Well I’ll tell you what, that number 7 spark plug has a slight gash in it. The ace starter is worn, so is number 21. That Nady is shaky but usable. That and your out of gas. Looks like this engine really has some power, specally that third base solenoid, they’ve all seen some miles…

Willie: Anything need replacing?

A.S. Break: Well, I’ll call the dealers in Oakland and Florida to see if another starter is available but I doubt it. If there are any, they’re way too pricey. Give me a few days, I’ll give her a tune up, some high octane gas, it’ll be good as new come Friday. I’ll even throw in a free coat of wax; I’ll get that orange paint as shiny as ever. You can pick her up in Chicago on Friday afternoon. She’ll be runnin like a top, I promise you.

Willie: How much will you charge for all that?

A.S. Break: Well, I’ll do it for free if you let me borrow those numbers 5, 15 and 16 parts for a few days…

Let’s hope the All Star Break will be just what the Mets need to catch their breath and finish strong.

53 wins and a 12 game lead at the All-star break. If anybody predicted it in March they would have either been ridiculed as a Mets cheerleader.
Congrats on a great first half guys, get some rest and come back ready to beat the Cubs.

NOTE: I will not be on break this week. Check back often for new posts…

Posted under Uncategorized

This post was written by Dan in Texas on July 3, 2006

Well that sucked. 16-7. Weren’t we winning that game at some point? I realize that Willie is trying to save his bullpen for the long haul, but damn it, we had them. I cant belive I agree with that jackass Joe Morgan but I characteristically do. At what point do you call your bullpen Willie? You know Alay can be a headcase, didja really think leaving him out there against the Yankees was really going to make him grow as a pitcher? Awful, just awful.

Coincidently so was Soler. Alay seemed to miss everything tonight despite the low strike zone.

So the best test for the Mets this season has been administered and completed. D- and I am grading on the curve. 6-9. We beat the Jays, got swept by the Sox and lost the series two out of three including a tail kicking last night. D-. I would give out an F but the Pedro thing is such a freak occurrence that was un-Pedro like and the Mets were one Coco Crisp circus catch from at least taking one from the Sox.

I don’t think it’s time to panic. I think the Mets need to get focused on beating the Tar out of the Fish and the Bucs. I think the Mets need to pad that lead even further. I think we just all realized that we have been fooling ourselves with this back end of the rotation. Remember about a month ago after Zambrano was out. Bannister wasn’t coming back, and Maine’s finger was still hurt? We were forced to endure Lima and Gonzalez. I’m not sure that Soler and El Duque are much better.

Does anyone know when Brian Bannister is coming back? June 26th came and went? Does anyone know anything? Please let me know.

Omar was definitely sent a midseason report card giving him an Idea of what he needs. Omar needs to somehow get someone to part with a front end starter. Somebody that can take the ball and halt a slide. Someone that can leave no room for doubt while on the hill. Pedro used to be that guy but hip and toe problems coupled with the fact I am still a little miffed from his lovefest in Beantown takes Petey off that list. Glavine? Maybe but isn’t he like 60?

Maybe Omar can broker some sort of three way trade with Rickey Henderson’s ugly ass shirt as the center piece.

Hello Billy, this is Omar, yeah how about Barry Zito for the worlds ugliest shirt? O.k. what about Zito for the worlds ugliest shirt and the world’s most purple suit?No, Lima left it at Shea… Deal?

So the 2006 Subway series ends in a 3-3 tie. It also ends in a massively disappointing start from Soler. On to the Marlins and Bucs. This should be a chance for everybody to calm down and get back to National League Baseball.I hate Inter-League Baseball.

Posted under Uncategorized