That’s right it’s that time of year again where the Mets make their lone trip to the Lonestar State to take on the Houston Astros. Houston isn’t my neck of the woods but I plan on rolling in to catch the last two games before the Mid-Summer Classic.

Houston, while a pretty crappy town, is actually a solid baseball town, a rarity in the Republic of Texas. Astro fans are loyal folks, though they’re anti-Met fervor as cooled since making a failed appearance in the World Series. Their once vicious and profane insults have turned to good natured ribbing, even toward a fan in a home white Wagner jersey. If any readers plan on making the trip please drop me a line.

For those of you who are making a first time trip, here are some tips:

There is a great bar across the street where transplants have been known to gather after Met wins, the beers aren’t too expensive, and the feeling of having a blue and orange garbed majority has the aura of reaping the spoils of war.

You are in the Republic of Texas, they provide ample smoking areas on all decks, no nanny laws in Texas.

No one checks your signage, use this knowledge wisely and responsibly.

If you are attending the Saturday game and expect to be compensated with a trashcan, don’t hold your breath, especially if you wear Met colors. Last year, I was denied a gym bag and given the excuse that they had all been handed out, despite my arrival preceding batting practice (not like you really want anything that much marked Astros to begin with)

Stay away from the hotdogs, nine times out of ten; you get a frank that is too small on a stale bun. Rumor is Joey Chesnut threw up after two Astrodogs.

Stay away from the pizza; it’s not digestible, it’s DiGiorno. Go with Nachos, its hard to ‘eff that up. (And if you thought the concession service at Shea was bad wait till you deal with these folks.)

Beers cost more than at Shea believe it or not (last I checked) at anywhere between $7.25 and $7.75 depending on your brand selection. Lonestar Met tip: If you are from out of state, make sure and try a Shiner Bock.

Be aware that the seat rows in the third deck are misleadingly numbered, you’ll think, “Hey, it’s the upper deck, but row 13 won’t be too bad.” That is until you get there and climb more stairs than to the torch of the Statue of Liberty to find you have the second to last highest row, the views aren’t obstructed, just brace yourself. (Can people even go to the Statue of Liberty again yet?)

Yell what ever you want, most Houstonians expect you to be obnoxious, you have to counter the Beltran-aimed boos. Do be aware, Texas has a conceal and carry law, dont mock the guy with the large bulge near his shoulder too hard (remember what I said ya’ll, no nanny-laws.)

Do not eat at Whataburger, trust me!

Make sure you keep the tradition alive for postgame, Met wins; any and all people spotted in Mets gear necessitate a high five.

Be advised that anyone wearing either maroon or clothing from Texas A&M University is most certainly a complete idiot; don’t make the mistake of debating an Aggie. Ask around if you have to, but trust me.

The domed stadium is great, dress appropriately; it may shock your system after hiking in through the parking lot, in 98 degree weather in 120% humidity to enter a very comfortable 75 degrees.

Autographs don’t come easy; in all the games I’ve attended, the closest I’ve gotten to a Met was Rick Down who signed a whopping two autographs before running into the dugout.

There you have it, a little survival guide for any Met fan planning on attending this four game series with the Astros. If you will be in attendance, make sure to shoot me an email! Let’s go Mets.

Welcome to Texas, Yall!

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