Less than 24 hours after Lastings Milledge’s arrival to Shea Stadium, the outspoken young outfielder was in the midst of yet another controversy: “Sock-Gate.” Sources close to the team have refused to comment, deferring all inquiries to Public Relations Director Jay Horowitz’s office; Horowitz was not available for comment at the time of the story. Though the Mets front office remains quiet, not all members of the organization are maintaining silence.
Lonestar Mets has learned that All-Star closer Billy Wagner is the spokesman for the veteran players on the team, who apparently have a problem with the way Milledge puts on his socks prior to the game.
“Itâ€™s just one of those unwritten rules.” The southpaw explained, “You donâ€™t just show up here and put on a sock and a shoe and a sock and a shoe, you havenâ€™t paid your dues.”
When prompted by reporters as to why this is an issue that would raise concern from veteran players, Wagner quickly replied, “Don’t you know that the whole rookie world puts on a sock and a sock and a shoe and a shoe?” Wagner explained, “Look, say there was a fire in the club house, and it was raining outside when say, David Wright had only put on two socks, meanwhile Lastings was wearing a sock and a shoe” Wagner continued sternly, “Davidâ€™s been here, paid his dues, why should he walk around in wet socks while Milledge could hop around all day and keep his feet dry feet?”
Some in the clubhouse felt less incensed by Milledgeâ€™s dressing methods, Veteran Pitcher Tom Glavine was even tempered, though obviously disappointed, “itâ€™s not an example you want kids to follow, ya know” the starter explained, “I mean, what if the other sock’s got a hole in it? Kids are going to grow up thinking that you gotta take off a whole shoe and a sock.”
The unapologetic Milledge was quoted pleading “I just like to take care of one foot at a time” before he was quicky ushered into the training room by firstbase coach Howard Johnson.
While the footwear habits were met with almost unanimous condemnation, notorious racist and alleged gambling addict Paul LoDuca stated, “as long as it gets you guys to stop overanalyzing everything I say, I really donâ€™t give a Sh#t.”
Update: Rumors abound that Milledgeâ€™s controversial hosiery method has prompted the club to trade the young outfielder and cash to Texas for respected veteran and power hitter Sammy Sosa.
NOTE TO READER: I am obviously kidding here. If you donâ€™t get the reference, you are too young or donâ€™t watch enough syndicated television. I just thought it would be fun to break the first Milledge non-controversy. Hope you got a laugh.
Posted under Humorous
This post was written by Dan in Texas on July 13, 2007