Bring out your dead! Heartbreak.  

[clang]

Bring out your dead!

[clang]

Bring out your dead!

[clang]

Bring out.your dead!

[clang]

Bring out your dead!

 

BASEBALL GOD #1: Here’s one.  

BASEBALL GOD #2: Heartbreak.

LONESTAR MET: I’m not dead!

BASEBALL GOD #2: What?

BASEBALL GOD #1: Nothing. Here’s your Heartbreak.

LONESTAR MET: They’re not dead!

BASEBALL GOD #2: ‘Ere. He says they’re not dead!

BASEBALL GOD #1: Yes, they are.

LONESTAR MET: There not!

BASEBALL GOD #2: They aren’t?

BASEBALL GOD #1: Well, they will be soon. They’re very ill.

LONESTAR MET: The bullpen is getting better!

BASEBALL GOD #1: No, they’re not. They’ll all be stone dead in a moment.

BASEBALL GOD #2: Oh, I can’t take him like that. It’s against regulations.

LONESTAR MET: I don’t want to go on the cart!

BASEBALL GOD #1: Oh, don’t be such a baby.

BASEBALL GOD #2: I can’t take him.

LONESTAR MET: They’ll be fine!

BASEBALL GOD #1: Well, do us a favor.

BASEBALL GOD #2: I can’t.

BASEBALL GOD #1: Well, can you hang around a couple of games? It won’t be long.

BASEBALL GOD #2: No, I’ve got to go to Boston. They’ve lost nine today.

BASEBALL GOD #1: Well, when’s your next round?

BASEBALL GOD #2: Thursday.

LONESTAR MET: I think I’ll Perez will go complete.

BASEBALL GOD #1: You’re not fooling anyone, you know. Look. Isn’t there something you can do?

LONESTAR MET: [singing] Jose, Jose, Jose, Jose, Jo-.

 

[Hits LONESTAR MET in the head with a Louisville Slugger]  

BASEBALL GOD #1: Ah, thanks very much.  

BASEBALL GOD #2: Not at all. See you on Thursday.

BASEBALL GOD #1: Right. All right.

 

[howl]  

[clap clap clap, roar, men in red and white appear]

 

BASEBALL GOD #1: Who’s that, then?  

BASEBALL GOD #2: I dunno. Must be the NL East Champs.

BASEBALL GOD #1: Why?

BASEBALL GOD #2: They haven’t got shit all over them.

We’re not dead yet, but I’m not sure how alive we are…