One of my new off-season features will be Ed Goss, who lives in New York and has been covering the glitterati for the past few years, but now in retirement focuses on Baseball among other sports. The following is a transcript of my interview.

Lonestar Mets: So, with the disappointing end of the Mets season, what kind of Mets and sports related Gossip do you have for my readers this week? What have you found going on in the Big Apple?

Ed Goss: Well the Waldorf Astoria is certainly is the place to be seen if you’re a visiting celebrity, but what if you’re a celebrity who lives in town? The renowned hotel caters to the every whim of our own bloggers, including Greg Prince’s late night demand for a Keith Hernandez sized bag of cocaine. Greg partied the night away with some lovely Latin beauties dancing franticly and putting on impromptu feats of strength, but the night came to an abrupt halt when Greg seized up, clutched his heart and toppled into the pool. His floating Mercury Mets hat alerted the lifeguard on duty that half of Faith and Fear rested somewhere on the concrete bottom

LM: Now come on, Greg doesn’t party like that…

EG: Patrons at the candle room watched Metsblog’s Matt Cerrone and Metstradamus dance the night away, sweating profusely and twirling glow sticks to the thumping beat of house music. Matt left in a huff however, as Metstradamus’s dilated eyes stayed transfixed all night on the thrusting pelvis of NYJer Please’s Ryan Dragoon who just happened to be in the club that night.

LM: What? This sounds so made up…its ridiculous…

EG: Well, well, well who was seen shopping at an upscale boutique in midtown; none other than Can’t Stop the Bleeding’s Jason Cohen. Shoppers say he was looking for a gold plated keyboard to type his magic on and shoppers did their best to keep Jason away from the nearby perfume counter where Deadspin’s Will Leitch was seen shopping for feminine fragrances.

LM: Well those two really aren’t on good terms, I guess…

EG: On Wednesday, a crying, clearly distraught Marty Noble was seen leaving his office wearing an ill-fitting pair of Mossimo Jeans and mesh muscle shirt. Friends say the Mets erratic play and elimination from the playoffs has prompted Marty to put on 40 pounds since September and reportedly the bearded bombshell was seen ripping through a sundry shop’s Little Debbie display in under four minutes.

LM: That’s an odd occurrence

EG: On Tuesday morning a laughing, clearly inebriated John Delcos was seen riding a Coney Island thrill ride sharing a car with a boyishly grinning Omar Minaya. Fretting security guards stood nearby in the all but deserted amusement park, as Omar and John fed each other hotdogs near the concession stand and ignored the pleas for discretion during the more overt displays of affection.

LM: That is just plain weird…

EG: The hottest Mets-o-sphere couple is without a doubt Toasty Joe and his new bride. You can bet your website’s traffic that Joe knows how to take care of his lady. The recently wed couple were spotted walking the Toasty’s horse in Central Park when a panhandler made an offhand comment about Joe’s Mets shirt. Joe did a double back flip and assumed a jujitsu fighting pose. The panhandler advanced and Joe unleashed a flurry of karate chops and bicycle kicks leaving the bum disoriented. Joe then scurried up the chain link backstop of the baseball diamond and pounced on the bum’s back collapsing him on an abandoned card table.

LM: Why would Joe be so violent?

EG: Finally, Mike Steffanos saved the day for one local broadcaster. Gary Cohen was seen walking aimlessly through SoHo wheeling an IV tree filled with methadone bags. When the IV tree took a spill on the rough pavement. Who came out of the shadows to ride it; none other than Mike‘s Mets himself. This caught the attention of Dave from Mets Lifers and the two men adjourned to Mo Pitkin’s for a steak and Champaign dinner.

NOTE: The tag on this post is clearly humorous and it should be obvious to the reader by the second paragraph that none of this really happened. It’s all lies; but they’re entertaining lies. And in the end isn’t that the real truth? The answer is no. All of the writer’s mentioned are my favorites, daily must reads and the best around, Just thought I would have fun with a few names and in the meantime get a few laughs to take our minds off the agonizing end to 2007. I apologize if any of the aforementioned writers were offended in anyway.