I was Framed!

The Apostle Roger Clemens

Would this man lie?

From the MLB.com

Clemens’ lawyer, Rusty Hardin, confirmed on Wednesday that he is moving forward with his own investigation into the Mitchell Report.

“On Roger’s behalf, we are investigating the allegations about him contained in the Mitchell Report,” Hardin said in an e-mail to MLB.com. “To our surprise, we have identified several people who logic dictates the Mitchell team should have talked to but did not. That’s troubling. We are asking questions and we encourage the news media to do the same.”

He then added that he was shocked, shocked to find that gambling was going on in here.

I don’t know what Clemens plans to accomplish with this farcical aquatic ceremony investigation. I seriously doubt that the Clemens’ name got its own section of the Mitchell report because the wrong people were questioned. I mean is Rocket’s smoking gun that proves his innocence a witness who saw nothing? I guess that could be some kind of a flimsy justification. I mean they didn’t interview my dog; had they done so she would have said “woof-woof” thus providing concrete evidence that Clemens never used performance enhancing drugs. But alas my dog wasn’t interviewed and that’s troubling.

Hardin should try the dreaded Chewbacca defense:

Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Mitchell would certainly want you to believe that my client did PED ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major league pitcher, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.

I’ve seen it a couple of sites that equate Clemens’ attorney launching an investigation to OJ’s quest to find the real killer. Maybe ten years from now, Roger will publish his new book, If I Juiced.

Looks like the two ways of dealing with the Mitchell Report’s allegations are to:

  • A. Dismiss the Mitchell Report as a fraud
  • B. Claim to only use PHD in order to recover from an injury so that they could “help their team.”

Players in both categories must be vying to win support in the ever popular “court of public opinion” made up of a jury that didn’t bother to read the actual report. If you read the report, you won’t believe Clemens or his buddy Andy Pettitte.

Anywho, Clemens released a video nearly two minutes long in which he stated:

“Let me be clear — the answer is no, I did not use steroids, human growth hormone, and I’ve never done so,” Clemens said. “I did not provide Brian McNamee with any drugs to inject into my body. Brian McNamee did not inject steroids or human growth hormone into my body, either when I played in Toronto for the Blue Jays, or the New York Yankees. This report is simply not true.

“I’m angry about it. It’s hurtful to me and my family. But we are coming upon Christmas now and I have been blessed in my life. I’ve been blessed in my career and I’m very thankful for those blessings.”

Clemens added, “And let me be also clear, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” Anyway, you can find the propaganda denial video. The weirdest thing about it, is that it’s edited together, why would he have to do that? Did he make an original with parts in it that were edited out, like “what I’m about to say is a lie; I never used steroids or HGH.” and then they just cut out the first part so technically he didn’t lie about it? Whatever.

Clemens is scheduled to appear on 60 Minutes January 6 in an interview with Mike. I wonder if Wallace is going to be the old school, tough questioning Mike Wallace from 20 years ago while stock footage of Clemens’ roid rage moments plays in the background while he backs Clemens into a corner or if he’ll just let Roger off the hook and set a few up on a tee for him. I’ll definitely tune in on the off chance that Clemens gets boxed in and squirms while searching for the truth but if the media hold true to form on how Yankee players are cover it will probably go something like this:

Mike Wallace: Roger, I’m a huge fan. Look I’ll throw you a few red herrings, don’t worry my audience will buy anything, then give you one about God, then you can throw out some tired clichés and false humility, ok?

Roger Clemens: Whatever.

Mike Wallace: (to cameraman) Roll em.

Director: Action!

Mike Wallace: Roger, do you hate steroids or are you a good father?

Roger Clemens: I am a good father AND I hate steroids, Mike.

Mike Wallace: Do you love the baby Jesus.

Roger Clemens: Yes I do.

Mike Wallace: Did you do steroids?

Roger Clemens: (winks) Nope.

Mike Wallace: Why is your name in the Mitchell Report?

Roger Clemens: It Isn’t.

Mike Wallace: Good enough for me. Tell me what it’s like to be lovers, er teammates with Derek Jeter.

Roger Clemens: Well ya know he’s a competitor, ya know, a real champion…

Stay tuned. At least one thing is going Roger’s way, he won’t have to worry which logo is on his hat anymore, and at least he already has that party planned in case it was a Red Sox logo.

Posted under Uncategorized

This post was written by Dan in Texas on December 26, 2007

Saturday Night Sham

If you lived in any city other than Dallas Fort Worth Area or the Charlotte area and don’t have the NFL Network consider yourself lucky you were spared watching the farce of a game between the Dallas Cowboys and Carolina Panthers. If you read the paper this morning you would note that the score reflected a Dallas victory against the 6-8 Panthers. What the box score doesn’t tell you is that the mighty Cowboys needed the referees to go temporarily blind on two key passing attempts while the Dallas secondary mugged Carolina receivers. Then for the zebras to suddenly develop hypersensitive vision ruling a key third down conversion as a dropped pass after holding a 15 minute summit meeting on the field to determine how exactly they would give Dallas the victory.

I was reminiscent on another NFL Network game handed to Dallas at home against Green Bay in which mighty Dallas also needed officiating help to beat the Packers.

One of the many displeasures I endure due to my residency in Arlington Texas is exposure to the Dallas Cowboy Media and Fans. I use the term media loosely, more like fans with a microphone or computer would be more apt. If you thought the Yankee homer writers are bad, pick up the Dallas Morning News

If Dallas somehow wins the Superbowl this year I plan to sit back and grin as they celebrate their sham of a victory. Heck, I might even take the day off to attend the victory parade. I’m not a fan but like most residents of DFW I like to show my Cowboy sprit by setting fire to local businesses and overturning police vehicles.

Before the first regular season home game I plan to get into my truck around 4:00 in the morning. Drive down to Texas Stadium with a can of paint and scale the outside of the eyesore stadium.

Once on top I will repel down through the ridiculous hole in the roof, over to the championship banner where I will paint a vertical line, then paint a horizontal line across it followed by two diagonal lines bisecting previous two lines. It should look something like this:

Of course any Dallas Cowboy fan with any shame has already placed an asterisk next to this team’s record. Shame on you Dallas, you’re 11 and 4. Live with that shame. You deserve everything you get.

Posted under Angry Rant

This post was written by Dan in Texas on December 23, 2007

Wow, That was Fast

Acording to John Delcos, my prophicy has come true.

Pete Rose didn’t wait long to horn in on the Mitchell report.

That’s right folks, Lonestar Mets, the place to get your baseball news before it happens!

To be fair, it isn’t really hard to figure out what that self-serving douche is going to do in the way of exploitation self-promotion. If Rose played in the 90’s and was on this report, first he would deny it, then say he had them but never used them then would admit to using them but only against players that he knew to be on them. I am so sick of this guy.

Dude, you broke baseball’s mortal sin, live with the Consequences and go back to hocking you’re memorabilia on home shopping network and signing your “I’m sorry I bet on baseball” baseballs to support your gambling addiction. I hope your bookie beats you to death in an alley.

Posted under Uncategorized

This post was written by Dan in Texas on December 18, 2007

And you called ME a cheater!

 

Thought you were through with this guy didn’t you?

LONESTAR METS PREDICTION: As soon as the news cycle starts to tire of the Mitchell Report discussion, baseball television and radio shows will look for another way to beat a dead horse for one more week of discussion. None other than Charlie Hustle (talk about the all time dead horse) will take full advantage of this report to inject himself into baseball news again in a pathetic attempt to weasel his way into the hall.

You heard it her first folks.

Get ready for Pete Rose to try and vault over the walls into the hall of fame. Here comes the old “well I never used any performance enhancing drugs to become baseball’s all time hit king and if home run king Barry Bonds can be inducted why shouldn’t I” argument.

Of course this will be met with the argument that baseball has always been vague on steroids while gambling on baseball has always been the one absolute mortal sin, the forbidden fruit from which one bite would insure your absence forever.

An argument I happen to agree with.

My Two Cents 

For the record I hate Pete Rose. I won’t deny that. I thought he was a showboat. I think he’s shameless. And I like that Kennesaw Landis style banishments last forever. To this day I get chills watching Bart Giamatti’s press conference announcing the decision. It seems so eternal and epic as if it defies reproach.

Rose’s accomplishments are impressive. I don’t want him in the Hall, but if we have to let him in, baseball should wait four years after his death.

Man, I should be a sports radio program director.
There you go, next week’s news cycle in advance. Enjoy!

Posted under Angry Rant, Humorous

This post was written by Dan in Texas on December 14, 2007

Say It Ain’t So, Boys

Another piece of my childhood baseball memories were tarnished by today’s release of the Mitchell Report. My favorite Met prior to 1999 was Todd Hundley. Todd was one of the rare positive aspects of the atrocious mid 90’s Mets clubs. When the Mets traded for Mike Piazza in 1998, I spent a year resenting Mike for displacing Hundley. Though Iron Mike eventually won me over with his play, sometimes seemingly carrying the team on his back I had always maintained a fondness for Todd Hundley and felt he was under appreciated by Mets fans. I should have known his rapid increase in power was highly peculiar and should have been a red flag, but in those days of the 90’s we honestly didn’t know and really didn’t have a reason to suspect malfeasance. Every now and again, I would reflect on the 90’s Mets and Todd Hundley’s power numbers and wonder, I probably knew in the back of my mind something was amiss. Now I know. From page 163 of the Mitchell Report:

Todd Hundley
Todd Hundley played as a catcher with three teams in Major League Baseball
from 1990 until 2003 (the New York Mets, Los Angeles Dodgers, and Chicago Cubs). He was with the Mets from 1990 to 1998. He played in All-Star games in 1996 and 1997.
Radomski has known Hundley since 1988, when Radomski worked for the Mets and Hundley played in the Mets’ minor league system. Radomski stated that, beginning in
1996, he sold Deca-Durabolin and testosterone to Hundley on three or four occasions. At the beginning of that year, Radomski told Hundley that if he used steroids, he would hit 40 home runs. Hundley hit 41 home runs in 1996, having never hit more than 16 in any prior year. After the season, Radomski said, Hundley took him out to dinner.

Chris Donnels played with Hundley in 2000 when they were both with the
Los Angeles Dodgers. Donnels admitted to my investigative staff that Radomski supplied him with performance enhancing substances. Donnels recalled having extensive discussions with Hundley about his performance enhancing substance use and about Radomski while they were teammates. Hundley’s name, with two addresses and three telephone numbers, is listed in the address book seized by federal agents from Radomski’s residence. In order to provide Hundley with information about these allegations and to give him an opportunity to respond, I asked him to meet with me; he declined.

The last sentence says it all. If an athlete was falsely accused, he would have, if even through an attorney, defended himself. Thanks for making me care for nothing, douche bag.

This next finding caught me completely off guard. I had read excerps of his FAN interview, I felt the Mets had treated him unfairly, possibly for reasons stemming from personality clashes. It would now appear the Mets had alterior motives for not persuing Paulie Ballgame. From page 208-211 the Mitchell Report:

Paul Lo Duca
Paul Lo Duca is a catcher who has played with three teams in Major League
Baseball since 1998, the Los Angeles Dodgers (7 seasons), Florida Marlins (2 seasons), and New York Mets (2 seasons). He has appeared in four All-Star games.
Todd Hundley referred Lo Duca to Radomski when Lo Duca played for the
Dodgers. Radomski estimated that he engaged in six or more transactions with Lo Duca. Insome transactions, Radomski sent the performance enhancing substances by overnight mail toLo Duca’s home or to the Dodgers clubhouse and Lo Duca sent Radomski a check a week or so later.
Radomski produced copies of three checks from Lo Duca, each in the amount of
$3,200. All are included in the Appendix. Radomski said that each check was in payment for two kits of human growth hormone.
Lo Duca’s name, with an address and telephone number, is listed in the address
book seized from Radomski’s residence by federal agents. During that search, federal agents also seized a note from Lo Duca to Radomski. It read:

Kirk,
Sorry! But for some reason they sent the check back to me.
I haven’t been able to call you back because my phone is TOAST! I have
a new # it is [Lo Duca’s phone number is listed here]. Please leave your #
again because I lost all of my phonebook with the other phone.
Thanks
Paul

In 2002, Lo Duca was quoted by Sports Illustrated in an article responding to Ken
Caminiti’s admission of steroid use. Lo Duca was reported to have said: “If you’re battling for a job, and the guy you’re battling with is using steroids, then maybe you say, ‘Hey, to compete, I need to use steroids because he’s using them . . . Don’t get me wrong. I don’t condone it. But it’s a very tough situation. It’s really all about survival for some guys.”
According to the notes of an internal discussion among Los Angeles Dodgers
officials in October 2003 that were referred to above, it was reportedly said of Lo Duca during the meetings:

Steroids aren’t being used anymore on him. Big part of this.
Might have some value to trade . . . Florida might have interest.
. . . Got off the steroids . . . Took away a lot of hard line drives.
. . . Can get comparable value back would consider trading. . . . If
you do trade him, will get back on the stuff and try to show you he
can have a good year. That’s his makeup. Comes to play. Last
year of contract, playing for 05.(419)

On June 26, 2004, Lo Duca wrote a check to Radomski for $3,200. On July 30,
2004, the Dodgers traded Lo Duca, Guillermo Mota, and Juan Encarnacion to the Marlins. On August 7, 2004, Lo Duca issued another check to Radomski for $3,200. In January 2005, Lo Duca signed a three-year contract with the Marlins.

The handwritten note shown below on Dodger Stadium stationary from Lo Duca
to Radomski was seized from Radomski’s house during a search by federal agents. Radomski said that this note was included with a check Lo Duca sent Radomski as payment for human growth hormone.

In order to provide Lo Duca with information about these allegations and to give
him an opportunity to respond, I asked him to meet with me; he declined.

I really haven’t had time to absorb this yet but the evidence is pretty damning. I feel sick.

Posted under Angry Rant

This post was written by Dan in Texas on December 13, 2007

Life without Baseball, and Mets News

NOTE TO READER: MAKE SURE AND SCROLL TO THE BOTTOM FOR ACTUAL METS NEWS (KINDA) 

So here we are in December with precious little Mets off-season news and little to do. I find myself thinking back to November and December of 2005; how all those moves instilled confidence and built anticipation for opening day with those players on hand in our colors. Don’t get me wrong, I look forward to opening day; I just don’t feel jazzed about seeing what Brian Schneider, Ryan Church or Johnny Estrada look like in Mets duds as much as I did say, Carlos Delgado, Paul LoDuca and Billy Wagner just for example.

To make matters worse, the TV writers are on strike meaning the greatest show on TV, the Office has not aired any new episodes AND the movies coming to DVD are mild to weak to put it nicely. So what’s a boy to do? Well other than root against the Cowboys and their closet homosexual ever-smirking quarterback Tony Romo…

Thank god for hot girl on girl hardcore lesbian porn

Thank god for the Playstation 3. Unlike the Mets off-season the current state of television and new release DVD’s, the Playstation has tons of new things to get excited about.

The Dualshock 3 aka The Rumbleshock 3

Yes, one of the many gripes about the PS3 was the elimination of the Dualshock vibration controller beloved in the PSOne and PS2 in favor of the impressive, though yet to be utilize in any significant matter SIXAXIS controller. Well folks secretly and with little pub here in the states, Sony has revived the Dualshock. Well sort of…in Japan. A source with Sony who was unwilling to go on the record regarding a North American firm release date, was willing to speculate that the Dualshock 3 would not be available in North American stores until at least October. Sony has officially stated that the Dualshock will be available in 2008 with no month stated officially. Take my advice folks, don’t let Sony unload old inventory on you for the next 10 months, Ebay and 80.00 bucks gets you your very own Dualshock 3. Reviews will be forth coming.

Call of Duty 4

The best FPS ever made in the history of FPS games, EVER. The single player is unfortunately short, but the online play more than makes up for it. If for some reason you haven’t picked up this title yet, do so post haste.

Uncharted: Drake’s Fortune

This is one of the most visually stunning games I’ve ever seen. The attention to detail and visual presentation of this game is incredible. When Nathan Drake gets out of water, for example, his clothes actually look wet. The game plays well and is a combination of Tomb Raider and The Godfather titles. I am one (of many, I assume) who would buy Tomb Raider and quit halfway through in frustration. Uncharted is just the right amount of puzzle challenge that is a mystery but not impossibly perplexing. The down side to this title is replay value is extremely low. Buy this title, play it through and trade it in while the value is still high.

NBA2K8

I haven’t owned a basketball title since NBA Jam on Sega Genesis, but after the positive experience I’ve had with NHL2K7 the lure of this one was too much to pass up. I was startled to find that many things have changed since NBA Jam. Apparently video game basketball is now played with five players on each side all with normal sized heads. I selected the Mavericks (the only Dallas team I call my favorite; I ditched the Knicks after too many infuriating playoff losses to the Bulls and wasn’t enticed back until the Mavs of 2000) against the Grizz. I found it troubling that the Mavs were rated a 76 overall and a 76 and 74 on offense and defensively respectively, but oh well. After spending an entire quarter shooting 3s and yelling “BOOM-SHACKA-LACKA” or “CAN’T BUY A BUCKET” I settled down and began actually trying a strategy. The game is geared for fans of the series and is not very conducive to the new gamer nor does the manual provide any direction. All that aside, as it should come with extended play (so far I am up to 5 consecutive losses to the Grizzlies), here are my gripes:

  • The Mavs suck in this game. Dirk Nowitzki the reigning MVP can’t seem hit a 10 foot jumper in the open to save his life. The Mavs, a team that had the sixth best record of all time last year stink in NBA2K8. For all the Mark Cuban haters out there, 2K just validated half his argument.
  • Patrick Ewing isn’t on any of the all time teams.
  • The Mavs Dancers, who are hot in real life, look like crack-whores, WTF?
  • For some reason, easy, automatic lay-ups are anything but. Players miss all the time. I don’t know how a team could have more than one blown lay-up on a breakaway by themselves in one game, but in the 2K world, not only is it possible, it’s more than likely.

All and all, this is a fun, if not sometimes maddening game.

What else am I going to do with my time besides holding cheap whores hostage for use in ritualistic torture in my basement dungeon Playstation 3.

 

By the way, 2K annouced that Jose Reyes will be the coverboy for the upcoming title MLB2K8 FINALLY replacing Derek Jeter after 3 consecutive years on the game cover. I haven’t seen who gets the cover of MLB the Show 08 yet. Maybe they will pull a 2K move and have David Wright on thier cover in consecutive years. It would be a great choice to have to make between a game with Reyes or a game with Wright on it’s cover. MLB The Show 07 was a far superior game to MLB2K7. Unless 2K has a major overhaul in the works, I don’t see them making a better game despite their excellent choice in shortstops. (Sorry for the pic, I couldn’t find a PS3 picture)

Come on Omar, go get us a number one starter.

(Coming soon: Assassin’s Creed, Orange Box and Time Crisis 4)

Posted under Non-Baseball, Uncategorized

This post was written by Dan in Texas on December 11, 2007