Would this man lie?
From the MLB.com
Clemens’ lawyer, Rusty Hardin, confirmed on Wednesday that he is moving forward with his own investigation into the Mitchell Report.
“On Roger’s behalf, we are investigating the allegations about him contained in the Mitchell Report,” Hardin said in an e-mail to MLB.com. “To our surprise, we have identified several people who logic dictates the Mitchell team should have talked to but did not. That’s troubling. We are asking questions and we encourage the news media to do the same.”
He then added that he was shocked, shocked to find that gambling was going on in here.
I donâ€™t know what Clemens plans to accomplish with this farcical
aquatic ceremony investigation. I seriously doubt that the Clemensâ€™ name got its own section of the Mitchell report because the wrong people were questioned. I mean is Rocketâ€™s smoking gun that proves his innocence a witness who saw nothing? I guess that could be some kind of a flimsy justification. I mean they didnâ€™t interview my dog; had they done so she would have said “woof-woof” thus providing concrete evidence that Clemens never used performance enhancing drugs. But alas my dog wasnâ€™t interviewed and thatâ€™s troubling.
Hardin should try the dreaded Chewbacca defense:
Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, Mitchell would certainly want you to believe that my client did PED ten years ago. And they make a good case. Hell, I almost felt pity myself! But, ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, I have one final thing I want you to consider. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Chewbacca. Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it; that does not make sense! Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major league pitcher, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.
Iâ€™ve seen it a couple of sites that equate Clemensâ€™ attorney launching an investigation to OJâ€™s quest to find the real killer. Maybe ten years from now, Roger will publish his new book, If I Juiced.
Looks like the two ways of dealing with the Mitchell Reportâ€™s allegations are to:
- A. Dismiss the Mitchell Report as a fraud
- B. Claim to only use PHD in order to recover from an injury so that they could “help their team.”
Players in both categories must be vying to win support in the ever popular “court of public opinion” made up of a jury that didnâ€™t bother to read the actual report. If you read the report, you wonâ€™t believe Clemens or his buddy Andy Pettitte.
Anywho, Clemens released a video nearly two minutes long in which he stated:
“Let me be clear — the answer is no, I did not use steroids, human growth hormone, and I’ve never done so,” Clemens said. “I did not provide Brian McNamee with any drugs to inject into my body. Brian McNamee did not inject steroids or human growth hormone into my body, either when I played in Toronto for the Blue Jays, or the New York Yankees. This report is simply not true.
“I’m angry about it. It’s hurtful to me and my family. But we are coming upon Christmas now and I have been blessed in my life. I’ve been blessed in my career and I’m very thankful for those blessings.”
Clemens added, “And let me be also clear, I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Ms. Lewinsky.” Anyway, you can find the
propaganda denial video. The weirdest thing about it, is that itâ€™s edited together, why would he have to do that? Did he make an original with parts in it that were edited out, like “what Iâ€™m about to say is a lie; I never used steroids or HGH.” and then they just cut out the first part so technically he didnâ€™t lie about it? Whatever.
Clemens is scheduled to appear on 60 Minutes January 6 in an interview with Mike. I wonder if Wallace is going to be the old school, tough questioning Mike Wallace from 20 years ago while stock footage of Clemensâ€™ roid rage moments plays in the background while he backs Clemens into a corner or if heâ€™ll just let Roger off the hook and set a few up on a tee for him. Iâ€™ll definitely tune in on the off chance that Clemens gets boxed in and squirms while searching for the truth but if the media hold true to form on how Yankee players are cover it will probably go something like this:
Mike Wallace: Roger, Iâ€™m a huge fan. Look Iâ€™ll throw you a few red herrings, donâ€™t worry my audience will buy anything, then give you one about God, then you can throw out some tired clichÃ©s and false humility, ok?
Roger Clemens: Whatever.
Mike Wallace: (to cameraman) Roll em.
Mike Wallace: Roger, do you hate steroids or are you a good father?
Roger Clemens: I am a good father AND I hate steroids, Mike.
Mike Wallace: Do you love the baby Jesus.
Roger Clemens: Yes I do.
Mike Wallace: Did you do steroids?
Roger Clemens: (winks) Nope.
Mike Wallace: Why is your name in the Mitchell Report?
Roger Clemens: It Isn’t.
Mike Wallace: Good enough for me. Tell me what itâ€™s like to be lovers, er teammates with Derek Jeter.
Roger Clemens: Well ya know heâ€™s a competitor, ya know, a real championâ€¦
Stay tuned. At least one thing is going Rogerâ€™s way, he wonâ€™t have to worry which logo is on his hat anymore, and at least he already has that party planned in case it was a Red Sox logo.
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This post was written by Dan in Texas on December 26, 2007