Guess which team had another DUI

I swear to God I didn’t write this. From the Office of the District Attorney Tony Rackauckas, Orange County DA:

At approximately 12:20 a.m. on December 30, 2007, [Scott] Spiezio is accused of leaving a bar in Newport Beach after spending the evening drinking several vodka drinks. He is accused of getting into his 2004 BMW and attempting to drive home while under the influence of alcohol. Spiezio is accused of speeding, cutting across several lanes, crossing through the oncoming traffic lanes, driving over a curb, and crashing into a fence. The crash knocked down a fence pole and blew out the front two tires of the car. Spiezio is accused of getting out of the car and fleeing the scene on foot.

The defendant is accused of running to his Irvine condominium complex and going to a friend’s condo, who lived in the same complex. While his friend attempted to clean up the defendant, Spiezio is accused of vomiting in his friend’s room. When the friend made a comment about the vomit, Spiezio is accused of becoming angry and attacking his friend, punching him repeatedly and throwing him against a wall.

According to the website, “Scott Spiezio is charged with misdemeanors for driving under the influence of alcohol, driving with a blood alcohol of .08 percent or more, hit and run with property damage, aggravated assault, battery, and assault. If convicted, he faces a maximum sentence of two years in jail. A $10,000 warrant has been issued for his arrest.”

According to MLB.com approximately two hours after the news circulated, the Cardinals released Spiezio.

OK, I wrote this next part…

A hastily thrown together, impromptu press conference was called at the Cardinals spring training facility in Jupiter, FL.Manager Tony LaRussa, whom sacrificed his driving privileges after a drunk driving arrest of last march addressed both the baseball press and reporters for Gay Men’s Facial Hair Monthly, in town exclusively to cover the utility man. “Today” the skipper, behind dark glasses and smelling of Chivas, addressed the gaggle, quote, “The Sint Louuis Cardals hiv showen the lege tha this behevor is intolerablelele.” After seemingly falling asleep at the podium, the Skipper was nudged awake by Cardinal GM John Mozeliak. LaRussa jolted, then blurted “Quesstins?”

A somewhat timid beat writer for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch meekly raised his hand and asked, “Tony, how does this differ from the team’s approach and mindset as it relates to your own arrest during last year’s spring training?”

LaRussa swayed back and forth and shouted “Lookit, Cause Izz drivin an SUV, supid!” then in a whisper to the reporter “hey man, your goat stole my beer, thas not cool” before the cardinal skipper vomited and passed out.

Two drunk driving arrests and a drunk driving death in the span of a year. Wow, something is really wrong with this organization. Ya know what this team needs? A good leader that can relate to this alcohol fueled clubhouse. This team needs a Kennedy, not Adam; Ted Kennedy.

Posted under Humorous

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 29, 2008

Spring Planning

As quickly as I wake up from my winter slumber with images of Pedro and Santana and the arms running and stretching in Port Saint Lucie, the bore of Spring Training sets in twice as fast. Stories of batting practice bruises and twenty something pitches from Duaner only make me long for April, May, June, July, August, September, and sometimes, if we’re lucky, October. I firmly believe that spring training records mean as much as the baseball power rankings. I must admit though, the Spring Training Jerseys are pretty sharp.

Living here in Dallas, I get the experience of watching baseball from a distance. With the advent of MLBTV (which I consider to be the eight wonder of the world) I can feel close to my team, watching every game, as opposed to merely a decade ago when displaced Mets fans tracked the Amazins via the three inch recap in the sports page, or the 20 second highlight clip on Sports Center.

Daily access to my team not withstanding, I necessitate live access to my team, at least once a year. Shea’s curtain call will definitely lead to a visit to the Big Apple by Lonestar Mets to say goodbye to the old girl. Eighty one games just seem too short to say goodbye to something that’s been my team’s home my entire life. Why I feel the overly emotional need to travel 1,500 miles to say goodbye to an inanimate object, well that’s another post for another day.

The tradition I have every year to participate at a game live with my team is the Mets annual trip to Houston. Every year Mrs. Lonestar and I travel down to that vile, humid, Aggie filled city for the one thing that justifies entering the city limits of that god-awful town; The New York Mets. In fact, I have been buying tickets via MLB.com for so long that the Astros have given me presale access and even in the fall of 2006 Playoff rights.* This year was no different, two games from field level, one in club level and a 60 percent chance to see Johan. Also a 100% chance I piss off Astro fans.
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Posted under Angry Rant, Humorous

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 27, 2008

Anna Benson still has Breasts

Ha Ha
Look, I’m holding the logo over my boobs. Isn’t that sexy and edgy? Anybody? Hello?

I can’t wait until Phillies fans discover why this is funny, to Mets fans anyway. It just goes to show, no matter what she says or how good she looks, someone, somewhere is sick of her shit. Of course I could be wrong, maybe Brett Myers is going to teach her a lesson. Isn’t domestic violence funny?

I put the over under on Philly-Anna Hate at about the All Star Break. The shame of it is, none of it will really be Anna’s fault. I mean when you give a chimpanzee a revolver, you can’t blame the chimp.

The the Bensons were and ice cream flavor they’d be pralines and dick.

Have fun with this one Philadelphia! Suckers…

Posted under Humorous

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 16, 2008

Mr. Steroid Goes to Washington

 

Well that certainly was underwhelming. Roger still looks guilty even with his week long lobbying of congressmen. This really could have taken place on Judge Judy. Of course if it did take place in Judge Judy’s court we would have an outcome. Granted the outcome would have been determined by which party sassed mouth Judge Judy and which one “Yes Ma’amed” her more since neither party is female but at least it would be over.

No smoking gun, no breakdowns into tears, no shocking admissions of guilt, just a lot of scolding. It wasn’t even good theater really. All of this would have been much more interesting if the DNA testing had been completed on the syringes. It couldn’t possibly take this long. On CSI they get it done in an hour and that’s even with commercials. This whole thing was mostly a waste of time.

Congressman: One syringe, with Roger Clemens DNA

Clemens: That was used for vitamin shots

Congressman: One document showing the presence of HGH

Clemens: That’s not mine; someone must be playing a prank on me. That sort of thing isn’t my bag, baby.

Congressman: One book, “Instructing your trainer to inject you with HGH and/or anabolic steroids and me, this sort of thing IS my bag, baby” by Roger Clemens

Clemens: *Gulp*

Posted under Humorous

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 13, 2008

Return of the Cunning Linguist

If sometime around 2003 you breathed a sigh of relief at the notion that you would never have to listen to the WWF wrestling aficionado and former Atlanta Brave John Rocker, well you just thought wrong.

In an interview on Monday that sounds like I wrote it, the former star of Pros vs. Joes star claims he flunked a drug test ordered by Major League Baseball in 2000, though baseball did not punish the pitcher for the result.

On Atlanta Radio Station 100.5 former Atlanta reliever and current asshat John Rocker stated “Bud Selig knew in the year 2000 John Rocker was taking the juice,” the pitcher said Monday on the Atlanta radio station. “Didn’t do anything about it.” Adding further “I am a pompous douchebag that talks in the third person.” Before quipping, “Bud Selig is a clown and should do the entire world a favor and kill himself.”

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Posted under Humorous

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 12, 2008

Nolan Ryan for President

The Texas Rangers have a public relations problem. The same problem they’ve had for years. The signing of Alex Rodriguez for a Major League record contract was the last time anyone in the Dallas Fort Worth area felt really good about baseball. Devoted fans became causal fans, casual fans became apathetic fans and apathetic fans became fans of other teams or other sports. Rangers fans, past and present have come to think of the years from 1996 to 1999 as “The Golden Years” of Rangers baseball.

Baseball is known as “the talking sport” where everyone has an opinion of what direction the team should take; win now versus rebuild, to gear toward Pitching and defense or win with the long ball. But even the diehard fans, the ones who still hold out hope all agree on one single fact; Tom Hicks has been a disaster as the Rangers owner. That’s been the majority opinion in the Dallas Fort Worth area for the past four years. Even the Dallas Fort Worth Media has begun to cover the Rangers with the same zeal they cover local high school sports and if Arlington could hold a recall election, Hicks would surely be voted out of office by a 99 percentile margin. If a poll was conducted asking who was the worst owner in baseball, Tom Hicks would lose only to Peter Angelos, though not on Merit; He would lose because Oriole fans still care enough to vote. Tom Hicks has damaged the reputation of the Texas Rangers beyond repair, and with the mighty Dallas Cowboys moving in just to the west, the Ballpark in Arlington stands to appear smaller and smaller with every luxury box Jerry Jones erects next door.

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Posted under Uncategorized

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 7, 2008

Vindication!

 

Hi, I’m surefire Hall of Fame Pitcher Roger Clemens. If you want to win 300 games like I did, chances are you’re going to need a little help. I recommend HGH, but if your old school, you might go the steroids route. Both options are great; I would have been out of the game in the mid 90s without my either one of my little buddies. But make no mistake; you need to cover your tracks. Well you’re old buddy Rocket has you covered. In this video, you’ll learn the secrets that will help you get away with it, lets get started shall we?

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Posted under Humorous, Uncategorized

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 6, 2008

A Look Ahead

Last night, my white haired, crazy eyed scientist friend named Doc revealed to me that he had invented a time machine out of a Delorean. We traveled to the year 2030 where I saw an antique store and purchased Grays Sports Almanac in order to make 100% accurate predictions here on Lonestar Mets. I thought I would share a passage from it that my readers might find interesting. Have a look:

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Posted under Humorous, Uncategorized

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 5, 2008

Quick Hits

Superbowl Quick Hits

The Superbowl has been over for 24 hours now and I am still in a state of shock. I can’t believe the Giants are World Champs. I was really happy to see Strahan finally get a ring. I still can’t believe Eli and Coughlin brought big blue it’s first title since the Parcells era.

A few quick hits:

What was Belichick thinking when he went for it on 4 and 13? He takes a shot at the endzone instead of trying to pickup the first down? There is a fine line between taking a shot and throwing away a down. That’s just cocky football.

David Tyree’s catch will go down in New York sports lore with Endy Chavez in the NLDS. I still can’t believe that really happened.

It’s about time somebody knocked Boston fans off their cloud. I don’t care how long you suffered with the Redsox. You had an NBA Dynasty, a NFL Dynasty and what just might be a MLB dynasty in the making. Suck it.

Janet Jackson was the best thing to ever happen to halftime. Recall if you will, pre-wardrobe malfunction halftime shows. They run every flash in the pan, one-hit wonder or American Idol contestant onto the stage. I don’t need to see William Hung ever again. Anyone remember the Halftime Show from a 49ers-Bangles Superbowl where Coke put 3-D glasses in 12 packs and had some kind of magician on stage. That was god-awful. The whole thing was terrible. Petty’s show was the second best of all time behind McCartney.

Not to hammer the Cowboys too much (OK, I love to hammer the Cowboys) why did Tony Romo put himself in a commercial (The Justin Timberlake ad). When the entire state of Texas is irritated that you decided vacationing with Daisy Duke during the season was a good idea from a football standpoint or a public relations aspect, you should lie low for a while, buddy. Lose next year and Texans will lose patience.

Why was Wes Welker not in consideration for MVP? I realize Superbowl V was probably the last time a losing player will be selected as MVP, but they could have at least considered him. He wasn’t even listed as a choice on the poll, what if the Giants would have lost. Thurman Thomas feels me. Texas Tech gets screwed again.
Speaking of MVP, Eli Manning? He drove the team downfield and is kind of a default selection. Sure he played well and made the plays when he had to, but a team that holds the Patriots to two touchdowns and harassed Brady all game should have an MVP from the defensive side of the ball.

Did anyone watch House? I was getting congrats calls after the game and I never watch that show but why is House handling patients in Antarctica? Come to think of it, how do all these medical freaks find Hugh Laurie. I realize the show is set in Philly so 50% of the population has some kind of genetic defect, but come on. I might watch that show if they didn’t promo the shit out of it EVERYTIME a game is on Fox, stop Joe Buck from whipping my ass with House promos between every down or pitch.

Someone needs to give Steve Spagnola a huge contract extension and pay him like a head coach. I have never seen Brady get hassled like that.

This game is a bigger upset than the Jets beating the Colts in Superbowl III hands down. The only thing it lacked was a pregame guarantee ala Broadway Joe. Plaxico was close, but that wasn’t a guarantee.

Was Superbowl XLII better than Superbowl XXV? I can’t be sure so close to the event but I would have to say no. Ask me again after I watch the NFL Films highlight show a few thousand times.

The Superbowl XLII Champion New York Giants. Wow. It has a nice ring to it. It’s not as nice as World Champion New York Mets by a long shot. For those of you that hate Tom Coughling (like me) we’re stuck with him for at least five more years
For actual Giants analysis check out NYGmen

Non-Superbowl Quick Hits

Seriously, if I hear another reporter vocally felate the Yankees and Brian Cashman about how commendable they are for not getting Santana, I am going to throw up. Give me a break. Yeah, Phil Hughes might turn out better than Santana. Ok, and Roger Clemens might not have done steroids. Sure, whatever. Yankee fans and press should eat a bullet. Wait until the Yankees struggle and try and pry C.C. Sabathia free from the Indians. Hughes, Chaimberlain, Melky, Ian Kennedy and ten other prospects will be on a bus to Cleveland along with a bag of cash.

Posted under Gratuitous Superbowl Post, Non-Baseball

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 5, 2008

Done Deal

Whew, they really pushed the limits on that one. I was having panic attacts post 4:00 PM CST that Bill Smith would change his mind, send our kids back and get on the phone with Theo Epstein.

*EXHALE*

He’s ours!

When it was all over, save for the physical, the deal came out to about $152 Million which includes what Santana was owed on his remaining salary and Johan is a Met through 2014 after the doctors sign off tomorrow.

Lets get ready for PSL and the season to begin.

Posted under Post Game

This post was written by Dan in Texas on February 1, 2008