Sorry I’ve been spotty on the posting. The Mets own a share of first and I really should be writing about that. More on the Mets later.

Our old friend Pete Alfano sat on his keyboard and produced another turd. This one features more than the usual latent racism.

More importantly Pete, as usual, passes off jamming unrelated sporting events together to make a non-point while grasping at straws to prove the two are related and calls it a column. Enjoy:

Despite pro sports’ efforts, the gang’s all here

… In other news from the NFL

…That’s an odd byline…

This may surprise you, but as training camps open for the start of the 2008 season, it’s not all about Brett Favre and the Green Bay Packers, who are making the Christie Brinkley-Peter Cook split look downright amicable.

Christie Brinkley and Peter Cook both played for the Packers. Wait no, they didn’t. But Pete’s heard of Christie Brinkley and so have you! This common awareness becomes the basis for comedy…

If you’ve ever seen a trailer for one of those stupid parody movies like Meet the Spartans, Epic Movie, and Date Movie and ask “what kind of moron watches that crap?” Your answer is Pete Alfano.

And really the only excuse to mention a random celebrity is if they are hot and you are doing so to post a picture of said hottie. Like so:

In case you haven’t heard, the NFL police are scouring game tapes looking for possible gang signs that some players may have flashed to their “homies” when the camera was on them.

I imagine when Pete is talking about a group of black people he refers to them as ‘homies” while making air quotes.

Now, if we were commissioner Roger Goodell, we’d enlist Bill Belichick and his Patriots staff to lead the investigation instead of the league’s security detail. Who better to intercept signs?

HIIIOOOOHHHHH! Man, no one writes a tired obvious joke like Pete, baby!

I know I’ve beat this into the ground but why the constant use of “we?” Especially when stating your opinion. Using “we” seems, I don’t know, gutless, no? Can’t you stand behind your own opinion?

Cheap shot aside, this latest controversy arose after the NBA fined Paul Pierce of the champion Boston Celtics for making “menacing gestures” at the Atlanta Hawks’ bench during the first round of the basketball playoffs. Pierce, the captain of the newly crowned champions, apologized for his actions being “misinterpreted.”

Egad man, call him a gang banger if that’s what you’re inferring.

The NBA is very sensitive to what can be perceived as gang-like behavior, which is the only way you can interpret that dress code implemented by commissioner David Stern at the start of the 2006-07 season. Given that arenas are populated by mostly white fans, and an image problem might scare away corporate sponsors, gangsta-wear became decidedly unfashionable with Stern, who took this preemptive strike.

I guess what Atticus Finch is trying to express here is that “the darkies” scare him.

Of course, a referee who bets on numerous games, including ones that he officiated, is dismissed by the commissioner as a renegade, acting alone and not part of a possible larger scandal.

Ah, the bitterness of Pete Alfano. I’ve missed it. It’s not his bread-and-butter steroid rhetoric but damn close.

The NFL has its own history of keeping players in line, and it doesn’t discriminate by race. Pro football might as well be a branch of the armed forces, given the rules about how a player must wear his uniform, and what kind of ball cap he can wear on the sidelines. And we all know that the NFL became the No Fun League when it curbed the enthusiasm of players celebrating touchdowns, sacks, interceptions or even a 5-yard gain.

Again with the constant use of “we.” He’s like a bad hypnotist. He just plugs “we” as if it will make you think you agree with his nonsense and distract you from the fact that HE HAS NO POINT.

Because a large majority of players in pro football and basketball are black, there is an opinion that the leagues are overreacting to a cultural divide between the races. The Monday Morning Quarterback remembers covering pro basketball in the rebellious 1970s when many white players dressed sloppily in jeans, T-shirts and sweatshirts.

Wait, whoops…don’t like my race-baiting rant? Well..um…see, I’ve had black people at my house!

Now, take a look at major league baseball — where whites are the majority — and no two players appear to wear their uniform the same way. Is it simply that baseball allows more freedom of expression?

You make no sense.

You make no sense.

You make no sense.

You make no sense.

That has nothing to do with anything. Are you suggesting that when Carlos Delgado alternates between his pants to his ankles and pants to his knees it indicates him joining/leaving a gang? You are an idiot. Seriously man, does anyone read this crap before you publish it in the freaking newspaper?

In fairness to the NFL, there are valid reasons to look into the so-called gang-related behavior. Darrent Williams of the Denver Broncos was fatally shot while riding in a limo last year; Sean Taylor of the Washington Redskins was shot to death by an intruder in his Miami home, also last year; and Marvin Harrison of the Indianapolis Colts raised eyebrows during this off-season when his gun was used in a shooting outside his Philadelphia bar.

You’ve already established yourself as a racist; you might as well go the distance and accuse someone of something. Maybe your reader might respect your bravado. At least you’d be a bold racist.

Harrison had gotten into an argument inside the bar, and while he has not been charged with any crime, police are investigating.

But Pete is willing to convict right now…

We don’t have to go into detail about Adam (don’t call me Pacman) Jones of the Cowboys, who has been involved in multiple police investigations, resulting in a yearlong suspension. Jones and the Cowboys are hoping Goodell will soon reinstate him.

What does that have to do with gang affiliation? Was Pacman shooting up a strip club gang related? What the eff are you talking about?

Some of you may even remember when the ominous black and silver colors of the Oakland-Los Angeles-Oakland Raiders were associated with gang fashion. The trouble is gangs — from West Side Story to The Sopranos — are not only part of American culture, but often romanticized.

But not by Pete, he’s above such things…

And there isn’t any sports league that can legislate them out of existence.
Pete Alfano, 817-390-7985

Well you’ve made no case for baseball having a gang affiliation other than baseball pant legs and preference in jersey size. You’ve also failed to address the NHL. Making a broad generalization about “sports” leagues after insinuating gang involvement but not having the stones to actually accuse anyone does not drive any point anywhere. You get nothing! You lose! Good day sir!

The more I think about this, there is no way these can be this awful. I think Pete is sharing state secrets with a foriegn government coded in these ramblings, like every Madonna referrence is a launch code. That is the only possible explanation. Here’s a picture of Megan Fox

Posted under FJM ripoff, Pete Alfano