Thank God the Rays made the World Series. In the course of the World Series, I hope to see Shane Victorino get punched in the mouth…multiple times…in slow motion.
But going into the World Series, I think it’s time to re-rank baseball’s most obnoxious fan bases.
Here’s your douchebaggyness top 10 power rankings:
1A. Boston Red Sox fans – Congratulations, you’re the new evil empire. Maybe in another 86 years you’re overbearing sense of entitlement will wear off. Then you might be cute again. Now, I cant throw a rock and not hit a newly acquired Boston fan in a brand new cap and phony Boston accent. Go Sawx! Kill yourself.
1B. Philadelphia Phillies fans – Somehow in a place where Chase Utley, Jimmy Rollins, Ryan Howard and Shane Victorino are all together, they’re even bigger douchebags in attendance. It took you long enough to figure out Shea is a train ride away. Well weâ€™re tearing it down. Donâ€™t come back.
3. New York Yankees fans – Don’t worry, you may have fallen to number three, you still have 26 rings to show for it. Maybe now that you have a new park, you can tell more stories about Babe Ruth haunting a SECOND stadium he never played in, you can move back into contention. Who played SS before Derek Jeter again?
4. Chicago Cubs fans – We get it, they haven’t won in most of their lifetimes. The Billy Goat Curse is mildly charming, but honestly, the real reason the Cubs wonâ€™t ever win is…they’re the Cubs. Stop having priests bless your drinking water. God hates grandstanding.
5. Saint Louis Cardinals fans – Haughty arrogance alone keeps them in the top 5.
6. Los Angeles Dodgers fans â€“ Show up late, leave early, whatever dude. Chavez Ravine blows. Go back to the 70’s.
7. Texas Rangers fans â€“ Whatâ€™s wrong with Ranger fans? Nothing, except theyâ€™re mostly Cowboy fans. Not that football has anything to do with baseball, except when you abandon your team in the midst of the teams first decent season in years to go follow Cowboy Mini-camp. Then you get to be number 7 in the douchebag power rankings.
8. Seattle Mariners fans â€“ Why do you have a moose mascot? I know that’s not the fans fault. It is just stupid. How come every guy I see in an Ichiro jersey just looks like complete jackass?
9. Atlanta Braves fans â€“ For every bandwagon hopping, tomahawk chopping idiot that told me â€œIâ€™ve been a Braves fan since Dale Murphyâ€ in the middle of 14 straight pennants, where are you now? Oh yeah, wearing an Ichiro jersey
10. Tampa Bay Rays fans â€“ Iâ€™m really happy for you guys. Great story in a great year. However, you are not the 1969 Mets, who actually had a loyal fan base when they were horrid and rose to a championship year without free agency. You have to earn it for it to mean something and truly be yours. As long as you donâ€™t ask Obama. Seriously donâ€™t.
Posted under Uncategorized