Cowboy Schaudenfraud

I usually try not to take pleasure in others misery, however there are two exemptions: Cowboy and Yankee failure. While the collapse of the Yankees is still underway, This Sunday the nation was treated to watching the Dallas Cowboys circle the drain of garbage NFL franchises.

I wasn’t plan on writing anything on this so forgive me if I don’t go into more detail. If you watched the game, there’s no need to expound on the incontinence of so called “America’s Team.” After watching the elimiation after hearing for a year this team was a lock to win the Superbowl, I went my local grocer after the game and was treated to this sight. Enjoy:

Proud Franchise

Posted under Uncategorized

Movie Review: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

With no Mets transactions to discuss, I thought I would provide discussion of another pastime of mine: Movies. I saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button last night. I’d already heard the buzz surrounding the film and its all star cast.

The film depicts the story of Benjamin Button, a man who starts aging backwards with bizarre consequences:
Read More…

Posted under Humorous, Movies, Non-Baseball

People Love Lists

I got this from a Red Sox fan naming an all-time home grown team vs. an all time acquired team for all 30 teams. Have a look at the all time Mets teams. Props for Hundley behind the dish for the HG team and I can live with Piazza in front of Carter on the Acquired team, but in no way do I support Ray Knight starting in front of Ace Ventura. Buddy Harrelson over Reyes stands out as well. Have a look.

I’ve seen a bunch of these for the Mets before, but what I haven’t seen was a list for my adopted AL team, the Texas Rangers. Have a peek, if anything to reminisce about the blatant steroid abusers that have run through Arlington. Also, Rusty Greer deserves to start in Left.

Posted under Uncategorized

Holiday Tradition

I haven’t done one of these in a while because they just get dumber and dumber, but since this story has my favorite team in the headline, I had to weigh in. He writes essentially the same article this time every year (have a look at the Alfano archives) and includes the same flimsy references to topical worn out topics and every year I essentially write the same thing blasting this guy, but in the name of Holiday tradition:

Ah, the holiday season. Eggnog, bowl games, shopping malls, department store Santa Clauses and stupid articles written by Pete Alfano bemoaning the New York team’s payrolls. We’ve also learned that Pete’s a communist and has wanted a bad economy for years. Its like a Christmas miracle. I guess this works for me because this year I wanted to see what would happen when a man who barely has a grasp on baseball, is badly informed on the economy and doesn’t know anything about anything would try and write a column about those subjects. That’s Christmas man, that’s Christmas. Let’s get into it:

Economic hard times? Not for Yankees or Mets
By Pete Alfano

This is the season of giving, and it got us thinking: Wouldn’t it be in the spirit of the holidays if the New York Yankees gift-wrapped a player or two for some of the more needy teams in baseball?

What the hell does that mean? Really, what could that even mean?

There might be a recession going on, but the Yankees just committed more than $240 million to a couple of starting pitchers who don’t even use their first name — CC Sabathia and A.J. Burnett. Given the speculation that the Yankees are ready to spend even more of the same on Mark Teixeira, Manny Ramirez, Derek Lowe and/or Ben Sheets, we’re starting to believe that the Steinbrenner family has the resources to bail out the auto industry.

Har-har! Topical humor regarding the economy. Who doesn’t pick up the sports page to read more about bail outs? Speaking of which, the fact that this guy gets paid to write a weekly column this inane when the newspaper industry is dying is mind boggling.

The Yankees and their cross-borough rivals, the Mets, are moving into new stadiums next season. Both teams have their own TV networks and don’t seem to be lacking for a healthy season ticket base or corporate sponsorship. Well, maybe the Mets ought to thank the Federal government for saving Citibank, which has paid handsomely for the naming rights to the Mets’ new digs.

Ironically the WIlpons lost what is believed to be around 300 million dollars in a Ponzi scheme. I say ironically because the mastermind behind that scheme: Pete Alfano.*

*I may have misread the story.

And although the Mets signed Francisco Rodriguez — who set the single-season saves record with 62 last season — it was for a package about two years and $20 million short of what K-Rod and his agent had dancing in their sugar plum heads before the stock market crash.

I really have no idea what point he’s trying to make here. If the entire point of this nonsense is that ” Economic hard times? Not for Yankees or Mets” he just invalidated his entire point. Get ready for the next Non sequitur:

Baseball free agency has led to a perception that the sport doesn’t realize that economic hard times have arrived, but that is largely because of what the Yankees can and are willing to spend on free agents.

Look, Pete’s been griping about the economy for at least two years now. I swear that’s the only theme he can write in when it comes to baseball. That’s fine. But he should at least stay consistent. The man constantly complaining that baseball make too much money now frets the impact the economy will have on baseball.

Notice that no one is beating down Ramirez’s door, and while Teixeira will get a lucrative deal, most of the free- agent class is signing or will be signing discounted contracts.

It’s called the free market but maybe someday those capitalist pigs will pay for their crimes, eh comrade?

In fact, baseball ultimately might be in a more precarious position than the other team sports — football, basketball and hockey — because it doesn’t have a salary cap that makes all teams created equal, to some degree, anyway.

It has a luxury tax, which is the kinda the same thing, seeing as how all this Yankee spending you’re crying about benefits the poorer teams in the league. Before you publish a baseball article you should think about the premise for more than 3 seconds and more importantly, learn how baseball works.

But if you look at the LPGA, which is reducing its schedule next year; Arena Football League, which considered cancelling the 2009 season; and NASCAR, where teams are losing sponsorships and the financial problems of the big three automakers have a direct impact, there is no denying that sports will feel the effects of the current economic climate.

Ah, nothing says Americana than ladies golf and Arena Football. What is the world coming to when the LPGA and Arena Football have to downsize? Seriously, what percentage of Americans could name an arena league player other than Kurt Warner? .000001%.

And the LPGA? The LPGA would probably do better if women haven’t crossed over. It is the same thing as blaming the economy for the Negro Leagues dying after Jackie and Larry Doby broke the color barriers.

Regardless, I think both LPGA and Arena football ratings are lower than ESPN Poker. I think more people read this crappy website than watch those sports combined. (That’s a burn)

For baseball, that might not come until the early summer. Remember, teams play twice as many games as their counterparts in the NBA and NHL, and the NFL has only eight home games. The seating capacity of baseball stadiums is, on average, about 2 1/2 times greater than an arena. That means teams rely a great deal on walk-up business, fans who decide on the day of a game to take the family to the ballpark.

Attendance has been trending up over the past few years. Even if it goes down this year, it will likely be higher than it was in 2003. Did he do any research whatsoever before writing this? And what does any of this have to do with, “Economic hard times? Not for Yankees or Mets”

Attendance might still be strong in April and May when everyone is in contention, but after the bottom feeders find their rightful place, there might not be much incentive for anyone to spend the small fortune it takes to take the family to a game.

Because, the Royals, Pirates and Nats usually sell out every home game. But by all means, let a dip in Mariners home game attendance encourage you to horde gas, steal food. Don’t trust you neighbors, bottle your urine.

And this isn’t just about small-market teams, either. How will the Detroit Tigers fare in the Motor City, where many of their fans might be employed by the automakers? Even if GM, Chrysler and Ford remain solvent, it appears that layoffs and salary cuts are inevitable for the rank and file.

Drivel, and also nothing to do with the Mets or the Yankees weathering bad economic times.

San Diego is not a major market team when compared to Los Angeles, Chicago or New York, but the Padres shouldn’t have to take a page from the Florida Marlins’ economic playbook by trying to unload pitcher Jake Peavy — one of the best in the game — to cut costs. He makes $11 million a year and the team payroll is a paltry $40 million. Even though the owner is going through a divorce and basically is freezing assets, it doesn’t explain the Padres’ desperate measures.

Well you kinda just did there Petey.

This can’t bode well for franchises such as Pittsburgh, Kansas City and Oakland.

Because they usually sell standing room only seats for August home games, right?

Network television contracts negotiated a few years ago might help professional sports leagues weather the recession. Certainly, this isn’t the first economic downturn they experienced. But the stakes are higher now with more teams, higher costs and more competition for the entertainment dollar.

So basically nothing is going to change anywhere. What any of this has to do with “Economic hard times? Not for Yankees or Mets”

So, the new Yankee Stadium might be one of the few places where it will be business as usual next summer.

What about the Mets? Did you forget your own title? This is so stupid. Baseball will be fine. Go wet your panties somewhere else.

Now, do you think Tom Hicks can persuade the Steinbrenners to play Santa Claus and leave Sheets under the Rangers’ tree?

I don’t know what that even means. Is he advocating the Yankees pay part of the Rangers payroll? Is he suggesting that the Yankees management negotiate a contract on behalf of the Ranger organization?

This may be the most pointless article Pete’s ever written, and that’s saying something. He could have at least lobbied for lower concession prices or something. Also; He mentioned the Mets once in this entire article, despite the title: “Economic hard times? Not for Yankees or Mets.” A more apt title would have been, “I’m an idiot” by Pete Alfano.
Merry Christmas from Lonestar Mets!

Posted under FJM ripoff, Pete Alfano

Cole Hamels is Still a Dick

Here we go again:

The on-field behavior of the Mets, particularly Jose Reyes, again has been called into question by a an opposing player, this time Cole Hamels, the MVP of the Phillies’ World Series championship.

Kettle, you have a call from the pot holding on the black phone…

In an interview on WFAN Thursday morning, Coles, in an indirect manner, said Reyes show-boats, but also said the Phillies considered the Mets “chokers.” Hamels gave the interview while promoting the Phillies’ World Series DVD.

I don’t get to listen to WFAN much, just Mets games on the radio usually, but it seems to me they go out of their way to have people Mets fans hate on their airwaves. Just sayin…

Hamels explained, saying “I’m hoping I don’t hurt too many people right here with this … When Jose Reyes hits home runs, he points his finger up like he won the game. And he might have hit in only in the first inning or the third inning. Well, when Shane did it, he did the same, exact thing. So we were ‘Hey Shane, this doesn’t win the game. We still have a lot of game to play.’ Ya know, why are you trying to be like Jose Reyes? And so that was kind of where it came from was … ya know … even though you hit the big home run, you don’t need to pimp it. You just need to run around the bases and just kinda get the game started.”

Said the man with an 0-2 6.54 in 2008 against the “Chokers” of the NL East.

Look, I don’t want to get into to defending Jose Reyes or his homerun trot, but has Cole Hamels ever watched anything Ryan Howard or Jimmy Rollins do at any point during a baseball game? Rollins is the biggest showboat in the game, bar none. How many times can you remember off the top of your head have you seen Rollins point up with two hands while coming into a base or the plate?

Hamels did not back away from the comments later, reiterating: “For the past two years they’ve been choke artists.”

Hamels continued, “I mean as long as they aren’t facing me, then, they’re freaking awsome and not because I’m an absolutely mediocre pitcher who is completely overrated. Er, um…Look over there!”

When reached for a response, Lonestar Mets rolled his eyes, made a wanking motion and reiterated “Cole Hamels has been an overrated douchebag in need of a severe beating his entire stupid life.”

I’m so sick of the Phillies and their preseason posturing. I just hope the Mets don’t say or do anything until May 6 (the first Mets-Phils game of the season) and whoever takes the hill drills the leadoff batter in the head with a fastball.

I don’t condone violence unless it involves Shane Victorino getting punched in the mouth. Repeatedly.

UPDATE: The Strawdawg has the right idea. Drill em.

Posted under Angry Rant

The Stove Heats Up; KRod Comes to Town

Finally, the Mets have a closer:

The conjecture of the past two days and, more accurately, of the past two months, reportedly has turned into something substantial. The Mets have agreed to terms with free agent closer Francisco Rodriguez, according to published reports.

Terms of the deal are reported to be three years and $37 million. There is a vesting option for a fourth year at $14 million that would make the deal worth $51 million

Contract details have to be worked out and the deal is contingent on Rodriguez passing a physical. The Mets have not confirmed that an agreement has been reached.

I was initially against the Mets pursuing KRod because I never thought 37 over 3 was a reasonable expectation of what it would take to sign him. I changed my mind after it was reported that Fuentes was seeking 33 million over 3 years. For the extra 4 million, KRod is the obvious choice.

I’ve also been wary of this delivery and the shoulder problems that could arise from his form. The first time I ever watched KRod pitch, I said to a friend “The Mets will sign him 3 months before he develops a shoulder or arm problem.” I really hope I’m wrong. At 27 I think he should be fine throughout the contract. If this guy develops arm problems, I see it hitting about the time we saw Pedro fall apart health wise.

I have to believe that Hoffman meeting had to be a tactic to get KRod and his agent Paul Riser Kinzer to the table quickly. I can’t see Minaya bringing in another old arm to try and fix a team’s biggest need on a club that got old very quickly since October 2006.

Kudos to Minaya getting this done early. Though I’m not placing the blame at his feet for the sluggish off-season last year, setting the market AND addressing the Mets biggest need in early December gives him plenty of time to find a corner outfielder, possibly a second baseman and finding a viable starter, hopefully before the end of the year.

Alight, the Mets set the market and the signings should start to come in a rapid fire fashion throughout the week and not a moment too soon. I’ll be glad to stop bitching about college football and Lifetime movies and start focusing on the 2009 Mets and important issues like who wears number 57, K-Rod or Santana?

Posted under Uncategorized

Yep, This is Fair…

After the best season in School History, the 11-1 Texas Tech Red Raiders are headed to the Cotton Bowl.

Texas Tech beat 3 ranked teams, including a number 1 ranked Texas and they get the flippin Cotton Bowl. Sure they lost in craptastic fashion to OU, the current number one team, but 11-1 in the Big XII is a pretty good season.

Lets take a look at who’ll the Red Raiders will line up against: An 8-4 Ole Miss Rebels team who beat Florida. This Rebels team is ranked no higher than 20 in any of the three polls.

In the name of disclosure, I am a proud Texas Tech Alum. I realize Tech lost late and lost big on national TV, but one loss to the number one team in the country and, with all respect to Field Scovell, all that gets you is the second rate shitty Cotton Bowl…

I’m not sayin, I’m just sayin…

Posted under Angry Rant, Non-Baseball

See This Movie

Sadly, the privately owned video store has going the way of the drive in movie and sexual harassment. Despite my effort to keep my local movie store in business, it too has closed. Rather than submit to Blockbuster or those stupid movie vending machines, I’ve opted to go with Netflix. You don’t care, believe me, I know, but I was able to find one of the greatest movies ever made:

She's Too Young
She’s Too Young:To fit in, you’ve gotta put out

As if that wasn’t awesome enough:

Average working mother (ed. Note: fat) Trish (Marcia Gay Harden) discovers that her daughter, Hannah (Alexis Dziena), has contracted an STD, even though she’s only 14 years old. Battling an apathetic public (ed note: all male characters) and alienating her own daughter in the process, Trish attempts to shed light on the problem of teen sex while keeping a close eye on Hannah. But it’s a case of tough love all the way in this powerfully acted made-for-TV movie. 

The movie stars Marcia Gay Harden (third member of the Lifetime-trinity comprised of Meredith Baxter Bernie and Valerie Bertinelli) as the overbearing and indignant sea cow mother and Alexis Dziena who of course you remember for her reoccurring role as a rape victim on the Law and Order franchises as the sweet girl turned whore, er victim. Apparently 14 year old girls are the dumbest things on the planet, including all animal, vegetable and minerals.  I’m pretty sure the only reason they made this film was to scare old people. They might as well have named it This is Definitely Happening to Your Granddaughter RIGHT NOW!

If you, like me, are damaged and enjoy terrible movies, this flick is like Godfather of crap. This self-important movie is so bad it’s hysterical. I enjoy inserting my own dialogue for the stereotypical evil male characters. I won’t spoil the plot, but if you could somehow throw an ABC after-school special, every victimized mother/female movie into a blender, then take a dump in said blender, liquefy and serve, you would have the plot to She’s Too Young.

Update: Apparently there is a fan site for this flick out there. Melanie has started the site for this film, though I’m sure her affinity for the movie is completely different than mine all together. Rent this film and then go sign her guest book. Let’s share this movie with America!

Posted under Humorous, Non-Baseball