Sadly, the privately owned video store has going the way of the drive in movie and sexual harassment. Despite my effort to keep my local movie store in business, it too has closed. Rather than submit to Blockbuster or those stupid movie vending machines, I’ve opted to go with Netflix. You don’t care, believe me, I know, but I was able to find one of the greatest movies ever made:
She’s Too Young:To fit in, you’ve gotta put out
As if that wasn’t awesome enough:
Average working mother (ed. Note: fat) Trish (Marcia Gay Harden) discovers that her daughter, Hannah (Alexis Dziena), has contracted an STD, even though she’s only 14 years old. Battling an apathetic public (ed note: all male characters) and alienating her own daughter in the process, Trish attempts to shed light on the problem of teen sex while keeping a close eye on Hannah. But it’s a case of tough love all the way in this powerfully acted made-for-TV movie.Â
The movie stars Marcia Gay Harden (third member of the Lifetime-trinity comprised of Meredith Baxter Bernie and Valerie Bertinelli) as the overbearing and indignant sea cow mother and Alexis Dziena who of course you remember for her reoccurring role as a rape victim on the Law and Order franchises as the sweet girl turned whore, er victim. Apparently 14 year old girls are the dumbest things on the planet, including all animal, vegetable and minerals. I’m pretty sure the only reason they made this film was to scare old people. They might as well have named it This is Definitely Happening to Your Granddaughter RIGHT NOW!
If you, like me, are damaged and enjoy terrible movies, this flick is like Godfather of crap. This self-important movie is so bad it’s hysterical. I enjoy inserting my own dialogue for the stereotypical evil male characters. I won’t spoil the plot, but if you could somehow throw an ABC after-school special, every victimized mother/female movie into a blender, then take a dump in said blender, liquefy and serve, you would have the plot to She’s Too Young.
Update: Apparently there is a fan site for this flick out there. Melanie has started the site http://shes-too-young.tripod.com/ for this film, though I’m sure her affinity for the movie is completely different than mine all together. Rent this film and then go sign her guest book. Let’s share this movie with America!
Posted under Humorous, Non-Baseball
This post was written by Dan in Texas on December 5, 2008
