Irvin in Trouble, er Victim

The Gym at 9pm huh? I guess when a drug dealer recognizes you, one way to control the story is to claim they were carjackers:

DALLAS –
A former felon University of Miami and Dallas Cowboy star said he almost purchased drugs was nearly carjacked Monday night, until the would-be drug dealers robbers recognized him.

Michael Irvin said he was driving to buy crack the gym when robbers pulled alongside him and flashed a vial gun at him as he drove in Dallas at about 9 p.m.

“Absolutely I was afraid of getting caught again,” he said. “I was very afraid so I came up with this story to discredit the dealers.”

Irvin, who was driving a new, white Range Rover, said a truck followed him to a stoplight.

“I was looking in my rearview for my usual dealer, and I saw this black truck flying up behind me,” he said.

The passenger rolled down his window and offered a vial to pointed a gun at him.
Irvin said his work on the field may have endangered saved his already badly damaged reputation life because the would-be drug dealers carjacker recognized him.

“He put it away, because he recognized me. He said, ‘Hey, Mike Irvin, what’s up? Mike Irving, man, we are big Cowboy fans,'” Irvin said.

Irvin, who was known as “The Playmaker,” said he knew his next lie play might be his most important one yet.

He followed the man’s lead and started talking about the Cowboys in hopes to buy time and construct this highly implausible story.
“And I was like, ‘Yeah man, you know, I miss playing, and boy, I’m sorry we couldn’t win a Super Bowl this year,’ because I’m just trying to get his mind on something else so he doesn’t tell people I tried to buy drugs pull that gun back up again,” Irvin said.

He said his drug trafficking pistol-packing fans sped off after several minutes.

“I was like, ‘Wow, you were a coward there, Michael,'” he said injecting some false humility in hopes of adding credibility to this questionable tale. “Even when he pulled off, I still did not get that license plate and not because I made it up or anything but because this really happened.”

Irvin said he is thanking God for his life and his legacy with the Dallas Cowboys and hoping fans are gullible to buy this story.

“‘I’m a huge Cowboy fan’ it never sounded so sweet before like it did last night, even coming from him,” he said.

Irvin, a husband and father of four, said he went home and hugged his wife and children, saying a high it never felt so good.

Police said they do not have any suspects other than Irvin in the case.

NOTE: The Deletions were how the story should have been written.

Posted under Humorous, Non-Baseball, Unsubstantiated Rumors

Familiar Faces

Spring Training is approaching quickly and the Mets, despite making major changes to their beleaguered bullpen, have done nothing to address the team’s needs for position players. No one wants to watch a Tatis/Murphy platoon in left and Luis Castillo at second. No one. The Mets desperately need a power bat in the lineup. A couple thoughts:

Ditch Castillo. I know he’s got that ridiculous contract, so what. Offload him somewhere. The Mets will have to pay the lion’s share of the freight, so what. He’s not getting any younger or healthier and New York isn’t going to be any easier a place to play in the next few years. This guy could be the next Kaz Matsui except with more trips to the DL. And don’t whine about the economy, use the money you were going to give Bernie Madoff and pay his way out of town.

Give Murphy secondbase to lose Let the guy compete for the deuce in Port St. Lucie. Is Dan Murphy the next piece of the Mets long term core? Hellifiknow. Let’s find out. It beats the hell out of watching Castillo flail at outside pitches all year.

Trade for Nady I may have already written a thousand articles advocating a trade for Nady but since he’s no longer under control of the Pirates and rumored to be shopped by the Yanks, make the deal now. We know Nady. Nady works in New York; sign him now.

Bring Uncle Cliff Back. I have railed against the Mets signing aging players and expecting results many, many times in the past. This is different. Cliffy Floyd won’t be expected to play everyday, shoot, he only played in 80 games last year. Cliff is respected as a veteran leader and clubhouse presence and it isn’t like he’s say, oh I don’t know, a 42 year old player who pees on his hands. I always felt that Cliff’s departure took away some of the great chemistry the Mets had in 2006. Omar is going to bring in some aging has been anyway, might as well be someone we already love.

Sure these moves aren’t as sexy as signing Manny Ramirez. Let’s face it; that is never going to happen. The above moves can allow Omar to concentrate on shoring up the rotation when and if Boras ever decides to let one of his clients sign.

Posted under Uncategorized

Hot Stove In-Action

The deal for Derek Lowe still isnt done. Based on an inside source close to no one, and verified by a source that I just made up, Boras won’t lower Lowe’s asking price and is confident another suitor will emerge, most likely Philly or Boston.

Meanwhile, the Mets, wary of repeating last years mistake of waiting it out for the best player available and neglecting other aspects of the team (namely bullpen) have extended an offer to Tim Redding and have now made Oliver Perez their main target to fill the hole in the rotation. Redding will be merely an insurance arm that may be plugged into the bullpen and pushed into a starting role should Perez struggle.

The longer this years off-season wears on with so much inaction, the more likely we will be stuck with a leftfield platoon of Dan Murphy and Fernando Tatis and a season of watching Luis Castillo limping out to second, hacking at outside pitches and not moving Reyes over in 2009. Oh, goodie.

Posted under Unsubstantiated Rumors