Yankees shortstop and former Texas Ranger and Seattle Mariner Alex Rodriguez admitted taking performance enhancing drugs while with the Texas Rangers in an interview with ESPN’s Peter Gammons on Monday.

Rodriguez, who’s name was leaked in connection to a positive test result for PEDs in 2003 apologized in the hopes of appearing sincere and remorseful; quite a high goal to set for someone who’s never been sincere or remorseful in his entire life.

Rodriguez told Gammons, ““When I arrived at Texas in 2001 I felt an enormous amount of pressure to perform,” then added: “Back then it was a different culture. It was loose. I was young. I was stupid. I was naïve. And I wanted to prove to everyone that I was worth being one of the greatest players of all time. I did take a banned substance, and for that I am very sorry and deeply regretful.”

Rodriguez latest comments are a stark contrast from an article published in ESPN magazine in April of 2004 shortly after his trade to the Yankees in which Rodriguez wrote:

“I hit rock bottom in the middle of the [2003] season. I remember driving home with my wife, Cynthia, after a game and telling her, ‘I just don’t see the light. Where is the light? What am I in this for?’ I would have never gone to Texas if they had told me, ‘Alex, it’s going to be you and 24 kids.’ Never.”

“I am guilty of being negligent, naïve, not asking all the right questions,” and after a brief awkward pause, he added “I am also guilty of banging manly chicks.”

The perennial all-star continued “It wasn’t a real dramatic day. I started experimenting with things that today are not legal, that today are not accepted.” He continued, “Ya know Peter, girls with mustaches are like mopeds, they’re fun to ride until your friends see you on one.”

Rodriguez added: “I am sorry for my Texas years. I apologize to the fans of Texas.” Rodriguez’s bizarre apology comes 3 months after the Longhorns shocking defeat against the Texas Tech Red Raiders in Lubbock.

The three time MVP will likely take the place of homerun king Barry Bonds as the face of the steroid problem in baseball.

Though Rodriguez clearly admitted to taking some form of performance enhancing drug, not all were ready to accept or believe his transgressions. When reached for comment, former cheater Roger Clemens went on the record adamantly proclaiming Rodriguez’s absolute innocence, “His body never changed. If he was putting that stuff up in his body, if what he’s saying which is totally false, if he’s doing that, he should have a third ear coming out of his forehead. He should be pulling tractors with his teeth.”

Not all of Rodriguez associates were supportive on the third baseman. When reached for comment Madonna was quoted as saying “Here’s the sound of Alex’s syringe when he injects himself,” followed by a loud screeching noise. “I can’t believe that he would mislead the public like that. People should just be who they are.” The Detroit native and crazy woman then became distracted leaving on foot to pursue a passing pedestrian shouting, “Oy govna, shine ya shoes for half a shilling, I will, I will.”

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