When I first came here, this was all swamp. Everyone said I was daft to build a castle on a swamp, but I built in all the same, just to show them. It sank into the swamp. So I built a second one. That sank into the swamp. So I built a third. That burned down, fell over, then sank into the swamp. – King of the Swamp Castle
Well dear readers, it’s the time of year again where the dead of winter has set, football season winds down, baseball season still far off on the horizon (not without a big name acquisition) and idiots starved for entertainment seek that ever plummeting lowest common denominator of prime time television.
That’s right, American Idol is back to entertain those who enjoy Brett Ratner movies , those who do their part to save the world by buying a U2 CD or an Iphone and carry their Starbucks coffee cups as a badge of honor all have been waiting for this date. Of course I am talking about the lowest form of human douchery: reality television viewers. The worst offender, the bottom of the barrel, those that make even Amazing Race viewers seem sophisticated and worldly; the American Idol Viewer.
Or have they?
Like America’s Funniest Home Videos, Survivor, and Who Wants to Be a Millionaire before it, American Idol may finally be on it’s knees, making it’s last stand before relegation to the PAX network to be aired in between episodes of Matlock and Charlie’s Angels or pressed in to service in the highly coveted Saturday morning, post cartoon, pre-baseball game of the week currently occupied buy non- sequential episodes of Stargate.
Who could have seen this coming? I mean a generic black guy with some obscure claim to fame that overuses the word “dog”, a drunken cougar/former mediocre pop star from the mid 90’s and a condescending English douchebag who wears v-neck sweaters with no undershirt, all passing judgment tomorrow’s stars of behind the music or Playboy centerfolds to be. How could this not last forever?
Of course there are the early episodes with talentless attention whores who humiliate themselves on national television with ridiculous bits for fifteen minutes of fame and maybe an appearance on Regis and Kelly or if they are really special, an appearance on Letterman provided Mario Lopez cancels and Dave can’t fill the segment between the star promoting a movie and musical act by discussing his trip to the Sizzler with Paul.
To be honest, I’ve never watched the show once yet I still know way more than I ever needed to know about the program. I shouldn’t know who Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, William Hung, or Clay Aiken are, my affection to watch NFC football during the winter months I am subjected to 48 promos a quarter where some useless bastard in a rainbow clown wig matching cod piece and a whiffleball bat says something like “I gave up my life for this.” I really wish that was a literal statement because I’d watch that guy’s public execution.
…with the seventh season-premiere of American Idol at an 18.6 rating/27 share from 8-10 p.m. Comparably, that out delivered the second highest rated show of the evening, CBS’ NCIS (10.2/15), by a hefty 82 percent. But year-to-year, American Idol actually dipped by 15 percent from its sixth season-opener on Tuesday, Jan. 16, 2007 (21.8/31). So, at this point it is safe to say that American Idol has officially peaked.
And though the Fox vehicle is surely dying, the writer’s strike has granted it a stay of execution. Before it’s gone from the short attention span most Americans have, there will be revamped versions to in a vein and feeble attempt to jump ratings (see Who wants to marry a Millionaire?, Who wants to Marry My Dad?) which are underway already (see Singing Bee, Don’t Forget the Lyrics, America’s Got Talent) before Ryan Seacrest finds himself hosting shopping mall openings in Barstow and Open Mic Night at the Ha Ha Hole which will seem almost laudable before finally making his foray into gay porno.
If there is one truism in mainstream entertainment it’s that Americans will love any turd, they just won’t love it very long.
Just ask Paul Hogan.
Sorry for the rant.
And unlike reality television, something that has stood the test of time, baseball, is still officially three months away. The hardcore baseball junkie can only forage for scraps of baseball news like:
Jose Valentin is expected to receive an invitation to camp. I really never accepted Stache as a real Met, I never really looked at him as anything more than a placeholder until the Mets can sign or develop a “real” second baseman. That’s a shame really, since Valentin’s arrival, he’s been a solid contributor, solid performer at the plate and in the field which is impressive more so considering he’s never been played second on a regular basis prior to arriving at Shea.
Coming back from as season ending injury that occurred last April will be no easy task for the veteran switch-hitter, but after watching Stache for the short time he’s been a Met, it would be fool hardy to put it past him.
And like reality television passing for reasonable entertainment, the only other news on the Mets front is a piece by Marty Noble regarding the Mets middle infield. Read it if you want, there’s not much you didn’t know.
And from John Delcos’ blog, comes an eyewitness report that David Wright was booed in Madison Square Garden during tonight’s Knicks Wizards game. Though I think the reason for the poor receptions that the fans came to the cohesive realization they were voluntarily attending a Knicks-Wizards game (wakka, wakka). Probably just a majority of Yankee fans is my guess. Though if it is some harsh sentiment leftover from September 30, I find that as encouraging; though unlikely. Wright has seen the adoration, the recognition, the money and the fame and thus has become the de-facto leader of the club. Winner or lose it’s his team, his accomplishment or his failure. Now get ready for training camp and lets win the division.
