Less than 24 hours after Lastings Milledge’s arrival to Shea Stadium, the outspoken young outfielder was in the midst of yet another controversy: “Sock-Gate.” Sources close to the team have refused to comment, deferring all inquiries to Public Relations Director Jay Horowitz’s office; Horowitz was not available for comment at the time of the story. Though the Mets front office remains quiet, not all members of the organization are maintaining silence.

Lonestar Mets has learned that All-Star closer Billy Wagner is the spokesman for the veteran players on the team, who apparently have a problem with the way Milledge puts on his socks prior to the game.

“It’s just one of those unwritten rules.” The southpaw explained, “You don’t just show up here and put on a sock and a shoe and a sock and a shoe, you haven’t paid your dues.”

When prompted by reporters as to why this is an issue that would raise concern from veteran players, Wagner quickly replied, “Don’t you know that the whole rookie world puts on a sock and a sock and a shoe and a shoe?” Wagner explained, “Look, say there was a fire in the club house, and it was raining outside when say, David Wright had only put on two socks, meanwhile Lastings was wearing a sock and a shoe” Wagner continued sternly, “David’s been here, paid his dues, why should he walk around in wet socks while Milledge could hop around all day and keep his feet dry feet?”

Some in the clubhouse felt less incensed by Milledge’s dressing methods, Veteran Pitcher Tom Glavine was even tempered, though obviously disappointed, “it’s not an example you want kids to follow, ya know” the starter explained, “I mean, what if the other sock’s got a hole in it? Kids are going to grow up thinking that you gotta take off a whole shoe and a sock.”

The unapologetic Milledge was quoted pleading “I just like to take care of one foot at a time” before he was quicky ushered into the training room by firstbase coach Howard Johnson.

While the footwear habits were met with almost unanimous condemnation, notorious racist and alleged gambling addict Paul LoDuca stated, “as long as it gets you guys to stop overanalyzing everything I say, I really don’t give a Sh#t.”

Update: Rumors abound that Milledge’s controversial hosiery method has prompted the club to trade the young outfielder and cash to Texas for respected veteran and power hitter Sammy Sosa.

NOTE TO READER: I am obviously kidding here. If you don’t get the reference, you are too young or don’t watch enough syndicated television. I just thought it would be fun to break the first Milledge non-controversy. Hope you got a laugh.

Lonestar Mets has come into possession of the script for the trailer detailing the events leading to the end of ABC’s Lost. That’s right, Lonestar Mets has all of the Lost secrets revealed.

Voice over: Next week on Lost: Hands pulling brush off to reveal an 1960 Harley DavidsonHurley: Whoa, dude, a motorcycleSaid: We must fix this bike.Voice over: And you’ll never believe what happens next…Shot of the waves breaking on the surf, cut to look of shock on Sawyer’s faceSawyer: Kate no!

Shot of shark washed up on beach, thrashing in the sand behind a large elevation of sand. Cut to Kate on motorcycle pulling on vintage motorcycle goggles

Saywer: No, don’t jump it!!!

Motorcycle engine revs, motorcycle shoots forward.

Cut to black…

On a night with no Mets baseball I chose to watch a show that I have come to regret watching, ABC’s Lost (click here to watch episodes for free.) I am thoroughly convinced that the writers of this show have no idea what the answers are to the “mysteries” they created and are merely writing throwaway episodes in the hopes of supporting the show for another season. Honestly this series should have limited the tedious flashbacks and presented itself in a miniseries format. After watching April, 4’s episode I am convinced that this show has officially Jumped the Shark.

For those of you who have suffered through this painfully drug out series, a few thoughts:

• Does it bother anyone else that the mysteries would be revealed with follow up questions posed after vague and ambiguous answers from characters?

• After escaping the black cloud by activating the mysterious fence when Juliet revealed she had the key to the handcuffs all along, did anyone else assume they would make out? (maybe I’ve been watching too much Lesbian Porn)

• What was the point of this week’s Left Behind episode or last week’s Expose episode? Those were the biggest throw away’s I have ever seen. Note to lost writers: when you are creating these story lines, it might be helpful to advance the plot is some form; it makes it so much interesting for the viewer.

I think the only thing this show has left to attract viewers is Evangeline Lilly. She makes the show sizzle, but there is no more steak left.

I’m out on this, at least it’s baseball season again.

Time to go and put the hurt on Atlanta!

Let’s Go Mets!

Sorry for the non-baseball post, but the events in France practically begged for mockery.

Enjoy.

Tour de France by Dan in Texas

Scandal has rocked the Tour de France, or loosely translated “Tour of France.” After failing to win the race after 20 years and failing to sabotage Lance Armstrong for ten, pride was seemingly back in the French cycling world.

That is until the three race favorites Jan Ullrich of Germany, Ivan Basso of Italy and Francisco Mancebo leader of France’s AG2R Prevoyance team were suspended after an investigation revealed indications of blood doping. Mancebo placed fourth in last year’s Tour.Ullrich, who is near the end of his career, has one win in 1997 and has finished second five times. He expressed he was not guilty of any wrong doing, saying he was “absolutely shocked” by the allegations adding “-Shocked to find that gambling is going on in here!”

The suspensions have now placed the trio of American cyclists Floyd Landis, George Hincapie, and Levi Leipheimer as potential front runners in the world’s most famous cycling race. Well, really the world’s only famous cycling race.

With 7 time winner Lance Armstrong retired from the “sport”, the French cycling team hoped that Mancebo would reclaim the prestigious title for the French for the first time in 20 years. Many insiders fear that rioting may ensue if an American cyclist wins the race for an eighth consecutive year, but to be fair, July 23, the scheduled conclusion of the Tour, does fall on France’s monthly “Riot Sunday.”

Back in the States, cycling enthusiasts worried that Armstrong’s departure from the sport may cause a drop in cycling’s popularity are upbeat about the possibility of another U.S. victory. A spokesman for the Outdoor Life Network, television carrier of the race in the U.S., expressed optimism they would avoid this year’s dubious Emmy award for “Best coverage of a sport Americans care less about than Soccer.”

Perennial Tour Champion, Lance Armstrong, a cancer survivor and post office icon, has also been the target of several performance enhancing drug allegations. When reached for comment at his home in Austin, Texas, Armstrong denied any and all implications of performance enhancing drug use, period, but made a strange qualifying reference to a B12 shot administered by Baltimore Orioles infielder, Miguel Tejada.I’ll be back later today with a Mets related post.

 

The consensus reports suggest the Mets Lineup to be the following.
1. Reyes S
2. Lo Duca R
3. Beltran S
4. Delgado L
5. Floyd L
6. Wright R
7. Diaz/ Nady/ Chaves
8. Matsui/ Anderson/ whoever

I think Willie made his decision before spring training started.

Wait, one last formality:

Father Mazzilli: “Ladies and Gentlemen: We gather here today to witness the uniting of players to the Line-up. As you all know Willie is a devout JoeTorrean so this ceremony is binding for the complete season, with out exception. Let us begin.”
“Do you, Willie Randolph, take this shortstop, to be your leadoff hitter, despite on base percentage as long as you manage the Mets?”

Willie: “I do”

Father Maz: “Do you, Willie, take this catcher to be your number 2 hitter, in slumps and streaks, despite all logic as both as you both shall be Mets?”

Willie: “I do”

Father Maz: “Do you Willie take this Centerfielder, to be your third hitter regardless of past performance in the 2 no matter how much he struggles in the 3 hole?”

Willie: “I do”

Father Maz: “Did you not watch the 2004 playoffs?”
Willie: “I did and I do”Ok cleanup is a gimmie…

Father Maz: “Do you Willie take this Leftfielder to be your number 5 Hitter?”Willie: “I do”

Father Maz: “Do you take this third baseman phenom, budding superstar to be your 6th hitter despite being the best hitter on the team, offering him no protection, single handedly guaranteeing him see bad pitches?”

Willie:” I Do”(Skipping ahead as the concept is wearing thin)

(Skipping ahead as the concept is wearing thin)Father Maz: “Do you Willie Randolph take this lineup to be your sole lineup, in injury and in health, through All-Star Break and trading deadline, for winning and for losing, never wavering from it as long as you manage the Mets?”

Willie: “I do”Father Maz: “Now by the power invested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you Willie Randolph, Married to this lineup. As you have vowed here today by the religious laws of JoeTorreism you must never consider altering this lineup as long as you manage the Mets. You have now married your lineup”

Marrying your lineup before training camp. Vintage Willie. I can speculate the honeymoon will be short and sweet before all the good will is gone.
Beltran in the 3 hole again, huh? The only thing I can think of besides JoeTorrean philosophy is that Willie’s “gut” tells him that the Beltran-Delgado relationship will strengthen both players. First of all lets, I think Willie “going with his gut” means “I don’t understand the numbers or even the logic of my line up and with this answer you can’t prove it”

For the sake of argument let’s stipulate that Willie’s gut is correct and Beltran returns to that player we saw in the 2004 NLCS. Delgado hits a little better than last year.

That being said, the lineup is still flawed. Every team in the league except the Mets have a LOOGy (Lefty one out guy). If we had a LOOGy Willie would use him incorrectly at the wrong time. A Delgado, Floyd, Wright lineup is an invitation to the other manager to use his LOOGy in the key situation of a close or tied game. Consider this:

Tie game, start of the eighth.

Righty long relief pitcher in the game.

Lo Duca pops out to start the inning

One out

Beltran singles to left.

One out, one on.