Foreword by Lonestar Mets: I sat down to write about this and instead of working myself up into a rage, I thought I would go for that goofy, weird ass, bordering on crazy sense of humor I’m known for on this site. Maybe it comes off as stupid, whatever. Enjoy:

“Closer in the making” -Billy Wagner on Aaron Heilman, Spring Training 2008

Even with Wagner’s grandstanding, empty proclamation, it’s obvious to even the most casual observer that Heilman is not a closer of the past, present or future. “He maybe a closer in another dimension” said the weird guy wearing a Lord of the Rings t-shirt, “but that’s just ridiculous.”

Only hours after being named interim closer by default and Billy Wagner’s endorsement as a closer in the making, Aaron Heilman took the mound at Shea Stadium with a 6-2 lead and the task of collecting the last three outs. Only moments later, Heilman had soiled walked the leadoff hitter, allowed a bloop hit, allowed a homerun to a punch and Judy hitter and soiled himself before dejectedly slinking into the dugout.

Coming as a shock to absolutely no one, Heilman was completely ineffective as the ninth inning pitcher, unsuccessfully deceiving hitters or locating his change up, or as it’s been know around the league, “the homerun ball.”

Manuel had foolishly selected Heilman as his interim closer, referring to the veteran right-hander as “a cross-over pitcher” in that he gives up homeruns against weak right-handed and left-handed hitters alike.

Manuel also made nonsensical assertions that Heilman’s changeup could be effective as an out pitch in late game, pressure situations.

In the aftermath of the Mets’ 6-5 victory against the Padres on Tuesday night, the Jerry Manuel opened a bottle of water and asked out loud if it could be changed to wine. It was a stunningly frightening indication that the Mets manager had become so delusional he actually believed he was Jesus.

Before the homestand began, Manuel had used the phrase “closer by committee” and soon after, he acknowledged Heilman would do most of the closing, or in other words, be the committee chairman.

Chairman Heilman accepted the challenge and immediately disbanded the committee and filed for chapter 11, but not before ciphering off enough company assets into accounts in the Cayman Islands that investors lost their lifesavings.

It’s been a long, strange fall from grace for Heilman. After being the Mets first draft pick in 2001, Heilman was actually held in high regard by Mets management. Unbelievably Heilman made an impressive start, pitching a complete game one hitter. But, it was all downhill from there.

After surrendering a homerun in the 2006 NLCS to Yadier Molina, bitching about a parking spot in spring training, countless multiple run innings and gutless performances, Heilman arrived at Shea Wednesday afternoon to find the personal effects of his locker laying in the gutter on Roosevelt Avenue and banned for life from Shea Stadium.

As Heilman ran down Roosevelt Avenue, chased by angry Mets fans hurling bags of their own urine, it served as a perfect microcosm of his career with the Mets.

I really don’t know what to say folks other than to type, “the bullpen is over worked” over and over again. Instead of that monotony it is my pleasure to bring to you a very special guest blogger:

You know…the one thing I look forward to all year long is watching the BITCH ASS fans Astros squirm. I hate the Astros and seriously they need to come up with something other than the generic freakin’ boo Mets. As a Mets fan, I am upset that we didn’t pull it off tonight. Lonestar Met is right! They are overworked! We have all the key elements and players to do some damage this year.

I am also upset because I missed that bad ass catch that Murphy had because I was watching Wigginton. I always loved his devotion and passion for the Mets. It really looked like he had a homerun and I would have cheered for him. Realizing what I missed, when my husband is giving me brutal high fives. I hated to tell him I missed that moment, but I had a good reason. Oh, and the only reason the Astros actually did well the past two games is because of a past Mets. Freakin’ Matusi!

xoxox
Mrs. Lonestar Mets

I don’t know what else to add, folks. I’m going to go get drunk.

Lets try and not get swept…

You tell me, who has a cooler mascot.

Greetings from Houston! It’s freaking hot here. Game one didn’t go as well as a Mets fan could hope. Homeruns did us in as Heilman couldn’t hold a 3-3 tie. That and having the bases loaded with no outs and not plating a single run, which seems like a lingering problem. Sooner or later, this team is going to start hitting with RISP by sheer law of averages.

I still hate that stupid Astros train. I was surrounded by the most uneducated ignorant baseball fans on the planet, who among other things:

-Suggested that the Mets were pitching around Brandon Backe.

-Were incensed that the Astros wouldn’t bunt over a leadoff runner with no outs in a tie game with the number five hitter at the plate.

-Couldn’t understand why a hitter would take on a 3-0 count.

-After every pitch yelled “you knew that was coming!”

-The Astros fans trash talk has fallen off quite a bit. The most common “jeer” all night was a thumbs down and “boo Mets.” I’m not big on trash talk, but I would hope I could come up with something a little better than that. Still I guess it’s better than the profanity laced threats of violence that were prevalent here after 1986.

On a separate note, Mrs. Lonestar Mets hatred for all things Astros is starting to scare me.

I did have the pleasure of meeting a fellow blogger as well as TBF. Getting ready to head to Minute Maid right now to see the Great Santana. I’ve never seen the Mets lose more than one game in Houston and I don’t plan on starting now.

I am going to see the Major League debut of Dan Murphy. The last MLB debut of a Met i saw Jose Reyes’ at the Ball Park in Arlington. Let’s hope Murphy has the same success.

The heat index is at 110 today. Thank God the Astros put a roof on Minute Maid Park.

As far as cab service in Houston, every experience I’ve had has been a poor one. Cabs are not plentiful and are usually obtained by calling the cab company. Whether the cabbies we unfamiliar with the city or elongating the cab ride was unclear, the fare was always more than parking in downtown. If you fly in from out of the area or head to Houston on a road trip, a hotel within walking distance is the way to go.